1
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:20,378
I cannot sleep.
2
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:24,246
Unopened at your feet.
3
00:01:24,350 --> 00:01:29,083
no equality.
4
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:32,886
accept defeat.
5
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:37,053
Yes I will have you.
6
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:41,259
and I will have you.
7
00:01:41,367 --> 00:01:45,360
a wild butterfly.
8
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,940
and capture you.
9
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,941
I don't think
this is goth night.
10
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,011
This place sucks!
11
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,272
Indeed!
12
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:57,145
to make you sleep with me?
13
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,817
I'm going
to the bathroom.
14
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:03,184
There's an idea for a
poem I want to write!
15
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:06,622
to make you sleep with me?
16
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,660
Hey!
Watch it, fat ass!
17
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:15,292
by sun or candlelight
18
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:19,565
You want to leave
19
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:23,335
There's no alternative
20
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:26,844
I see your beauty there
21
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:31,349
stranger beware.
22
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:35,319
in your naked dreams.
23
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:39,619
not what it seems.
24
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:43,719
You're my obsession.
25
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,960
to make you sleep with me?
26
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:52,060
You're my obsession.
27
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:56,506
to make you sleep with me?
28
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,403
I want to leave,
I don't belong here.
29
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,037
It's fun cause we're together.
30
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,082
No it's not!
31
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:43,046
What's with that solid gold
dancer with his ass in the air?
32
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,417
The dazzle dancer?
33
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,287
Yeah, why don't you
guys get married!
34
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:48,622
I don't even
know if he's gay.
35
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,593
He's got like frosted hair.
36
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:54,133
George Michael has frosted hair
and he's like totally straight.
37
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,136
Adam, you're 21,
you're like almost 30.
38
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,671
You need to more aggressive.
39
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,433
What do I say?
40
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:03,202
Just be yourself.
41
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,106
What's that?
42
00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,202
Tell him you liked his dancing.
43
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,876
Oh my God, yeah, that F.I.T.
Fag in training was there...
44
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,215
and of course Keith was there.
45
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,312
Let Carrie tell the story, she
tells it so much better than you.
46
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:22,351
I'm standing there talking
to Keith Herring and this guy...
47
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:24,896
starts comparing him to Warhol.
48
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,660
It was so embarrassing.
49
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,235
He hates those
comparisons, you know.
50
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:36,308
God, it's so tragic.
51
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:40,470
Well I guess Bela Lugosi
ain't dead after all.
52
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:47,578
He is dead, people
like you killed him.
53
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,177
Oh, chill out.
54
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:53,523
- Oh.
- How did it go?
55
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,322
Oh God, I'm such a loser.
56
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:58,989
You are not, would I be
friends with a loser?
57
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:01,999
Hey!
58
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:06,495
Sorry about my
friend Carrie.
59
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:10,098
I'm Maura Bid and
this is Rex Havoc.
60
00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:14,172
Cool look, Rex.
61
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:15,941
Yeah, my last
boyfriend was a goth,
62
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,212
are all of you as wild
and nasty as he was?
63
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:25,219
The night decrees its own
appreciations for some mortals...
64
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,384
treading the river Styx.
65
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,220
So you don't like to dance?
66
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,560
Not to this music.
67
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,259
Yeah, well it is Danceateria.
68
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:38,201
Yeah, more like Danceaqueeria.
69
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,607
What is that,
is that like a rib?
70
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:51,741
Yeah, you want one?
71
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:55,218
Na, na, I don't have much of an
appetite if you catch my drift.
72
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:58,347
Hey, you all want a bump?
73
00:05:58,458 --> 00:05:59,652
The bump?
74
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,660
We're goths, we don't
dance, we're dead.
75
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:07,199
No, no, a bump of coke.
76
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,527
Drugs?
77
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:30,683
Look at me, look at me.
78
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:34,223
Whew!
Whoa!
79
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,504
I am so sorry.
80
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:50,736
It's alright, at least it's
not the same one as last time.
81
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:52,834
Hey, Rex.
82
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:54,037
Oh my God,
83
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:57,412
he totally looks like the
guy from the Ah-Ha video!
84
00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,008
Well, he can
'Take On Me' anytime.
85
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,753
Do you think he
still has some cocaine?
86
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,688
Oh my God, you're like totally
addicted after like one bump!
87
00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,350
No, I'm not.
88
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,889
It was fun, it wasn't like
I thought it would be.
89
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:13,522
Well it gave me the
total Hershey squirts.
90
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,567
I hear they cut it
with baby laxatives.
91
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:17,568
Well, you said you wanted
to lose some weight.
92
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:20,871
Hi.
93
00:07:20,973 --> 00:07:23,203
Hey, you okay?
94
00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:25,709
Yeah, just my wrist.
95
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,036
Where do you live?
96
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,080
Brooklyn.
97
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,878
Me too, me too.
98
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,212
Sun's coming up,
you want to watch it...
99
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,946
from the
Brooklyn Bridge?
100
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:37,716
Well I can't just
leave my friend Rhonda.
101
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:39,519
Good night.
102
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:43,860
- Good luck.
- Stop it!
103
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,055
So?
104
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,132
Okay.
105
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,860
All right.
106
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,896
Yeah, I go to A.M.D.A., you
know that theatre school uptown.
107
00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,232
We're doing
The Sound of Music,
108
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:54,897
I'm up for the
part of the Captain.
109
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,237
wicked childhood.
110
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:58,037
Wow.
111
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,908
miserable youth...
112
00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:02,071
Someday I'm going
to dance on Broadway.
113
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:03,170
Watch this...
114
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,874
That one!
115
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,418
Well, don't give up you've
obviously got a huge talent.
116
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:08,509
Whew!
117
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:09,713
Oh my God, just kidding.
118
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,535
Give it here.
119
00:08:32,645 --> 00:08:34,203
Hey, you know
somehow I feel like...
120
00:08:34,313 --> 00:08:36,543
I've known you my whole life.
121
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,207
Really, it's not just the drugs?
122
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:41,480
Oh no, this is way
bigger than drugs.
123
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:42,781
Oh my God, I know.
124
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:51,353
When I saw you
dancing up there,
125
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,227
I knew you were the one.
126
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,061
I knew I was the one too.
127
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,568
Where have you
been my whole life?
128
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,605
I've been looking for you.
129
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,900
Here I am.
130
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,635
This is so fun.
131
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,535
I love you.
132
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,637
I love you too.
133
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:12,948
What's your name again?
134
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,517
Watch this.
135
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:18,521
Wow!
136
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,863
Oh good, more cocaine.
137
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,868
You have such an awesome body,
do you like exercise and stuff?
138
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:38,875
Yeah, I think I'm
the only gay guy...
139
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,378
in the whole world
that works out.
140
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:49,443
Hey, what's that
muscle called on your arm?
141
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:51,352
Huh?
142
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:52,424
Here?
143
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,117
Tricep.
144
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:56,285
What about those, those ones.
145
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:58,386
Pecs.
146
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:01,557
Yeah, like that?
147
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:02,827
Lats...
148
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:14,980
Abs, quads, gluts...
149
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:17,449
Oh my God I'm like the
luckiest guy in the
150
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,848
whole world right now.
151
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,510
You are so f'ing hot.
152
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,986
Bicep.
153
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:41,636
Whoa...
154
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,759
Puppy don't look.
155
00:11:56,382 --> 00:12:00,716
I cannot sleep.
156
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:05,052
Unopened at your feet.
157
00:12:05,157 --> 00:12:09,560
no equality.
158
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:13,621
accept defeat.
159
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,325
Sorry, sorry.
160
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,561
161
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,764
and I will have...
162
00:12:34,019 --> 00:12:35,111
Hey.
163
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:36,518
I thought you left.
164
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:40,251
Oh, no I just came up
for some fresh air.
165
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,984
But if you can't beat
them join them right?
166
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,722
Can I have a hit of that?
167
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,821
Isn't this retro music awesome?
168
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:49,662
It reminds me of slumber
parties in grade school.
169
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:56,904
Wow!
170
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:58,476
Somebody needs a drink!
171
00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,478
No, no, I'm straight, sober.
172
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,512
Really?
173
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,479
Wow.
174
00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:05,413
I would hate to be
sober, that sucks ass.
175
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,452
I don't see why sober
people still get to smoke.
176
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:10,545
Nicotine is such a drug.
177
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,851
Yeah, but nicotine doesn't
make me wander through gay bars...
178
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,984
pinching my nipples and moaning,
"pick me, pick me" to hot guys.
179
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:17,119
Wow.
180
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:21,427
Sounds like you did a lot
of coke or crystal or crack.
181
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,297
And now you're an AA.
182
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:25,768
But you don't go to crack
meetings because they're too...
183
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:27,998
hard core and you're just a nice
Jewish boy at heart who can only...
184
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:30,007
let lose when he's fucked up.
185
00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:32,543
You have a lot of guilt which
is why you need chemicals...
186
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,203
to squelch your conscious.
187
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,411
You realize you just said
all that out loud, right?
188
00:13:38,517 --> 00:13:41,077
Oh, I'm studying acting
so I pick up on...
189
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,280
people's personalities,
you know?
190
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,448
Guys think they're
so mysterious,
191
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:49,460
but most are just
really transparent.
192
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:53,293
Well I appreciate the completely
superficial deconstruction...
193
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,060
of my character but
I think I'm a little more...
194
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,566
complex than you think.
195
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,040
Hi everybody.
196
00:14:02,141 --> 00:14:07,579
My name is Mary and I used
to be a bipolar crack addict.
197
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,307
But now I'm just bipolar.
198
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,882
Yeah!
199
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:14,546
Welcome, welcome, welcome
to the midnight...
200
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,678
whip that crack fellowship.
201
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:20,122
This is a crack meeting,
tonight's topic is crack.
202
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:27,662
Okay.
203
00:14:33,505 --> 00:14:34,529
Ah...
204
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:50,915
Happy birthday.
205
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:06,664
Yeah, hello!
206
00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:10,003
Hey honey, just calling to wish
you know who a happy Bert-day.
207
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,373
Well I'd put him on the phone
but he's in a cake hole.
208
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,311
I should be reported
to the Humane Society.
209
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,212
Oh please, I've eaten more
than that in one sitting.
210
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:19,807
Remember my sister's wedding,
she's still mad
211
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,443
she didn't get a piece.
212
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:22,679
Right.
213
00:15:22,788 --> 00:15:24,779
And besides one of the many
advantages of being a dog...
214
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,721
is that get to eat like a pig.
215
00:15:26,825 --> 00:15:29,521
Hey, fatso, ready to go on?
216
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,868
Speaking of pigs, Lou just
propositioned me again.
217
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:42,270
Hey, hey everybody
having a good time?
218
00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:44,865
Let me hear you say 'yeah'!
219
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:49,371
All right.
220
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,745
Oh, I'm hanging by a thread here
the audiences have been really...
221
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,511
tough and I'm sweating
like Whitney Houston...
222
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:54,745
going though customs.
223
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:55,751
Uh...
224
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:57,583
Maybe you might want to,
you know,
225
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,089
come up with some new material,
226
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,091
you know, since
you lost the weight.
227
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:02,785
What are you talking about?
228
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:06,991
get her out of my pants.
229
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:09,395
Thank you.
230
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:10,832
Oh shit, he's singing a song.
231
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,403
Ladies and gentlemen
Rhonda Gernon...
232
00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:16,337
and her fabulous fun bags.
233
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:17,909
Whew!
234
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:26,749
I know what
you're thinking.
235
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:29,286
Doesn't she have a pretty face?
236
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,255
And what a personality!
237
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:36,124
If only I didn't get my dresses
made by Omar the tent maker.
238
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,360
I'm so fat,
I eat with a forklift.
239
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:51,804
I'm so fat, when I
back up, my ass beeps.
240
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,900
Fashioned from
actual ceramic chips...
241
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:27,001
recovered
at Ground Zero.
242
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:30,377
This commemorative plate will
make a fitting addition to...
243
00:17:30,482 --> 00:17:33,383
your other 9/11 collectibles.
244
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:37,114
Featuring an American bald
eagle, look at her there
245
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,656
- In all her majestic glory
- Oh my God.
246
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:42,894
With a gorgeous
single cubic zirconia tear...
247
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,463
running down her furrowed face.
248
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,758
Look at that, now...
249
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:47,388
Oh!
250
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:51,498
Geez!
251
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:53,868
Somebody...
252
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:01,874
Help!
253
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,777
Help me!
254
00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:05,577
Oh my God, somebody help me!
255
00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,948
Sir, animals
are not allowed here,
256
00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:09,418
hospital policy.
257
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:11,011
What do you mean
'hospital policy'?!
258
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,057
You are going to have to
keep your voice down sir.
259
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:16,321
Now there is a very good animal
hospital over on First Avenue.
260
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:19,090
I'm not on First Avenue, I'm
on Tenth Avenue and there are...
261
00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:22,759
doctors here, medical equipment,
and he has a heart and brain...
262
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,460
and lungs just like
a normal person.
263
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,367
Sir, please come with me.
264
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:27,939
There was an accident,
I stabbed him.
265
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,372
I stabbed him accidentally.
266
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:37,044
Hello.
267
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:38,980
We have another dog
stabber down here.
268
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:41,552
Sir the hospitals doesn't admit
animals, we have told you.
269
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:46,454
This is not an animal,
this is my child.
270
00:18:46,558 --> 00:18:49,322
I'm a single gay man in New
York, don't you understand?!
271
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,658
Rob, Rob, it's okay.
It's okay.
272
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,062
Sir, bring the
dog on back, okay.
273
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:58,927
Thank you.
274
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,240
At least there is
still one caring person...
275
00:19:07,346 --> 00:19:09,314
left in the
medical establishment.
276
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:10,381
Sir.
277
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,197
What is this
National Freak Day?
278
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,568
We've got a lady yelling
at her vagina out there.
279
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,800
Ah, the pictures are back.
280
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,972
The dog has a bruised
rib which was...
281
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,981
I'm sorry I can't hear you.
282
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,108
Oh, sorry.
283
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:51,918
X-rays, yeah your dog has a
bruised rib which the knife...
284
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,857
must have grazed
while it entered.
285
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,827
See there's a little clouding
in the abdomen region which...
286
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,522
we'd expect in a puncture wound.
287
00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:00,962
Is he bleeding internally?
288
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:04,627
Yeah, a little, but you know
nothing life threatening.
289
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:08,695
Oh thank you, thank you so much.
290
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:11,139
I can't thank you
enough for helping us.
291
00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:14,478
Quite all right.
292
00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:16,343
You want to go see him now?
293
00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:18,780
- Yeah.
- Right this way.
294
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,585
Hi, oh...
295
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,193
You know I have to say that
his fat protected him...
296
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,490
from the knife,
although in the long run...
297
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,156
you might want
to put him on a diet.
298
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,996
Oh, yeah, I don't
know why he's so fat.
299
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:42,807
- I'm Adam, by the way.
- Oh, I'm Doctor Hicks, Steven.
300
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,972
Are you a veterinarian?
301
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,706
Actually I'm a shrink,
I do outpatient...
302
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,782
mental health services here.
303
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:52,873
I went to medical school, I
was going to be a veterinarian,
304
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:55,419
I actually love animals.
305
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,886
Why didn't you?
306
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,890
I couldn't stand the idea of
dealing with neurotic...
307
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,460
pet owners on a daily basis.
308
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:04,461
Oh, sorry.
309
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:06,463
It's okay.
310
00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:09,125
It is sad how people attribute
human qualities to animals...
311
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:12,362
instead of just eating their
flesh or wearing their fur.
312
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:19,675
So Adam, let's
talk about you now.
313
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:21,268
Me?
314
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:25,544
You want to tell me what
drove you to stab your dog?
315
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:28,415
Oh, it was an accident.
316
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:34,886
Look I love this dog
more than I love myself.
317
00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:38,895
I know it sounds dumb,
but I'm not crazy.
318
00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:40,965
I know you're not crazy.
319
00:21:41,066 --> 00:21:43,261
You know actually it's
refreshing to meet somebody who
320
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,804
loves someone or
something that much.
321
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,536
Oh.
322
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:57,510
Hey, greetings
gay doctor roommate!
323
00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:58,844
Tough day at the 'orifice'?
324
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:02,113
A woman who thinks God
speaks through her vagina.
325
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,653
Oh, wait, Polly?
326
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:05,416
Oh no...
327
00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:07,719
no please.
328
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,851
Blond, thirties, five-eight.
329
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:12,486
You had sex with
a homeless woman?
330
00:22:12,597 --> 00:22:14,758
It was kind
of sweet actually,
331
00:22:14,866 --> 00:22:17,562
it's not the way
you make it sound.
332
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,162
For God's sake.
333
00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:25,436
We actually cuddled a lot,
it was very intimate.
334
00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:28,240
Yeah, well she
was probably cold.
335
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:31,475
You know homeless
people have needs.
336
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,108
You know they need
love like other folks.
337
00:22:36,488 --> 00:22:40,754
I helped her, I provided a
service for her actually,
338
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:44,226
you know for five minutes her
vagina stopped talking to her.
339
00:22:44,329 --> 00:22:48,356
Michael I'm going to take
a shower for both of us.
340
00:22:51,269 --> 00:22:53,897
Well, your mother would be
happy, marrying a doctor.
341
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,267
- Is he Jewish?
- I don't think so.
342
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,365
Whatever, I'll never see
him again unless I go insane.
343
00:22:57,476 --> 00:23:03,278
Adam, we're like in our
thirties, we're almost 40,
344
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,646
you need to be more aggressive.
345
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:07,480
Why don't you go
back to the hospital?
346
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:09,144
- No!
- Why not?
347
00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:10,983
He already thinks I'm
a crazy pet person.
348
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:16,494
You're the only person I know
that showers before the gym.
349
00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:18,825
Well, I need to blow
off some steam.
350
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:23,390
- Among other things.
- Uh-huh, that's right.
351
00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:28,030
God, you gay guys are so lucky.
352
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:31,007
You get to connect
and make love...
353
00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:33,407
to someone
different every night.
354
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:35,446
Yeah.
355
00:23:35,547 --> 00:23:38,277
If women were as promiscuous
as you there'd be like
356
00:23:38,383 --> 00:23:39,748
orgies in the street.
357
00:23:39,851 --> 00:23:42,342
Thanks to you there already are.
358
00:23:42,454 --> 00:23:45,287
Oh no, I brought her back here.
359
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:51,123
Well, have fun having
gay, anonymous sex...
360
00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:52,924
in the low self esteem room.
361
00:23:56,201 --> 00:23:56,997
Thanks.
362
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:10,848
Hey, you're hot,
I wish I had your body,
363
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,849
but like with my face.
364
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,347
I wish you did too.
365
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:19,720
God, don't you just love this
gym it feels so good to sweat
366
00:24:19,825 --> 00:24:21,986
out the tina, you
know what I mean?
367
00:24:22,093 --> 00:24:27,156
Actually I don't, I don't use
drugs and neither should you.
368
00:24:27,265 --> 00:24:28,323
Ew!
369
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:31,766
It sounds like somebody had
a bad experience with drugs.
370
00:24:31,870 --> 00:24:32,700
Excuse me?
371
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:35,068
No, it's okay, I'm
just really observant.
372
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,141
I notice things that
other guys might not.
373
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:38,368
Is that so?
374
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:39,273
Yeah.
375
00:24:39,377 --> 00:24:40,969
I'm going to be an
actor so I pick up...
376
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:42,910
on people's personalities.
377
00:24:43,014 --> 00:24:44,675
You don't do drugs
because you have...
378
00:24:44,783 --> 00:24:47,445
what they call...
'control issues'.
379
00:24:47,552 --> 00:24:49,816
You're like totally afraid to be
out of control of your body...
380
00:24:49,921 --> 00:24:52,116
or let someone see you in a
less than perfect light.
381
00:24:52,224 --> 00:24:54,454
You're really afraid of
letting your hair down,
382
00:24:54,559 --> 00:24:57,050
unless it has to
do with sex,
383
00:24:57,162 --> 00:24:59,323
and then you can
completely cut lose and...
384
00:25:29,327 --> 00:25:30,225
Hey!
385
00:25:32,931 --> 00:25:34,899
Sorry, sorry.
386
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,228
Ew!
387
00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:37,995
Dogs are so gross!
388
00:25:41,907 --> 00:25:43,067
How can someone love
something that shits...
389
00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:44,402
right in front of them?
390
00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:09,293
Excuse me,
391
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:13,861
could you eat any of
these birds if you had to?
392
00:26:13,972 --> 00:26:19,706
You know, like if terrorists
poisoned the food supply.
393
00:26:30,455 --> 00:26:33,288
Oh look everyone, we have a duck
in flight directly above us.
394
00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:47,937
Oh my God!
Quick, somebody call 911!
395
00:26:57,749 --> 00:27:00,183
Long live the NRA!
396
00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:05,313
I am so sorry, this
usually doesn't happen.
397
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:12,619
Hey, you okay?
398
00:27:12,731 --> 00:27:15,791
Yeah, I'm fine,
I just bruised a rib.
399
00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:19,336
Oh my God, it is you.
It's you the dog guy.
400
00:27:19,437 --> 00:27:21,268
- Hi.
- Hey.
401
00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:23,603
Wow.
What a coincidence.
402
00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:29,308
How is your dog,
speaking of bruised ribs?
403
00:27:29,414 --> 00:27:31,041
He's all better.
404
00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:34,346
He pees on the floor
sometimes, or is that me?
405
00:27:38,556 --> 00:27:40,490
So what do you do,
406
00:27:40,592 --> 00:27:43,390
like bird watching
tours around here?
407
00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:46,589
Yeah, you thought you were the
only one to deal with crazies.
408
00:27:48,133 --> 00:27:49,430
That was actually
pretty heroic of you,
409
00:27:49,534 --> 00:27:54,267
you know, tackling that guy,
getting all dirty.
410
00:27:54,372 --> 00:27:56,863
Oh well, it was heroic
of you to save my dog...
411
00:27:56,975 --> 00:27:58,237
and I don't mind
you getting dirty.
412
00:27:58,343 --> 00:27:59,310
Oh, I know.
413
00:27:59,411 --> 00:28:01,436
You know, I'm really sorry, I
was such a mess at the hospital.
414
00:28:01,546 --> 00:28:02,843
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
415
00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:04,209
Here, let me do something.
416
00:28:04,315 --> 00:28:05,873
Wait a minute, come here.
417
00:28:05,984 --> 00:28:07,679
It's all right,
just... here.
418
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:12,122
Here, look at me.
419
00:28:17,162 --> 00:28:18,595
There, that's better.
420
00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:23,795
So listen, I'm going to be an
aggressive type person here...
421
00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:26,666
and, uh, take you out to
dinner some time.
422
00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:28,466
Oh, you don't have to do that.
423
00:28:28,573 --> 00:28:31,007
- No, I want to.
- Really, it's fine.
424
00:28:31,109 --> 00:28:32,940
- No, I want to.
- Really, it's okay.
425
00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:34,807
- Really, I want to.
- Really, it's fine.
426
00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:36,574
- But I want to.
- It's all right.
427
00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:37,670
I'd kind of like to.
428
00:28:37,782 --> 00:28:39,113
Oh, I don't know, it's fine.
429
00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:39,945
But I'd like to.
430
00:28:40,051 --> 00:28:41,143
Really you should...
431
00:28:41,753 --> 00:28:44,881
I know...
let me ask you out to dinner.
432
00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:46,889
No, that's okay.
433
00:28:46,991 --> 00:28:48,288
No, I'm serious I want to.
434
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:49,257
No, you don't have to.
435
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,054
But I want to.
436
00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:50,923
I'm flattered but...
437
00:28:51,029 --> 00:28:52,462
No, really come on I want to.
438
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:54,054
Listen, I should take you
out to dinner to thank you...
439
00:28:54,165 --> 00:28:56,463
for what you
did for Burt.
440
00:28:56,568 --> 00:28:57,899
Oh...
441
00:28:58,002 --> 00:29:00,698
if it's just
about your dog, I mean,
442
00:29:00,805 --> 00:29:03,672
you know, it's really
not necessary.
443
00:29:03,775 --> 00:29:09,736
If you're asking me on a date,
like a romantic type thing,
444
00:29:09,848 --> 00:29:12,578
you know then I would maybe
have to say yes to such...
445
00:29:12,684 --> 00:29:15,585
an aggressive type person.
446
00:29:16,988 --> 00:29:21,755
Well it just so happens to be
a romantic date type thing,
447
00:29:21,860 --> 00:29:24,727
so yeah, that's right.
448
00:29:24,829 --> 00:29:27,730
- Okay.
- Okay.
449
00:29:27,832 --> 00:29:29,424
Okay, yeah good.
450
00:29:30,135 --> 00:29:31,067
Um.
451
00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:31,897
Wow.
452
00:29:32,003 --> 00:29:33,561
How about tomorrow night?
453
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,070
Tomorrow night's great, where?
454
00:29:36,174 --> 00:29:37,266
Uh...
455
00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:39,935
how about right here in the
park, you know the bath house.
456
00:29:40,879 --> 00:29:41,811
The Boat House?
457
00:29:43,748 --> 00:29:48,515
Um, I know, Sona.
Sona on 6th at 6.
458
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:50,178
Yeah, okay, great.
459
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:51,880
- Good.
- All right.
460
00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:54,891
Okay, well I'll see you there.
461
00:29:54,993 --> 00:29:56,017
- Okay.
- Okay.
462
00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:56,957
- All right.
- Bye.
463
00:29:57,061 --> 00:29:57,652
Bye.
464
00:30:00,431 --> 00:30:01,193
Bye.
465
00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:05,765
Are you sure you
want to do this?
466
00:30:05,870 --> 00:30:08,065
Will you chill out, you
sound like a jealous wife.
467
00:30:08,173 --> 00:30:09,731
Well you know you're going
to have to change your whole
468
00:30:09,841 --> 00:30:11,240
lifestyle, you know.
469
00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:14,743
He's got a dog, you're going
to have to hide all the knives.
470
00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:18,077
Michael, it's just a date, okay.
471
00:30:18,183 --> 00:30:22,381
Look, I'm 36 years old,
maybe I'm tired of one hot...
472
00:30:22,487 --> 00:30:23,784
sexual encounter after another.
473
00:30:23,888 --> 00:30:26,686
Maybe I want to find out what
it's like to have okay sex...
474
00:30:26,791 --> 00:30:28,691
with the same person
on a regular basis.
475
00:30:34,899 --> 00:30:37,493
I'm very disappointed
in you, Steve.
476
00:30:37,602 --> 00:30:40,162
Obviously you're not the
person that I thought you were.
477
00:30:48,246 --> 00:30:50,043
Michael, I can still see you.
478
00:30:52,383 --> 00:30:55,750
Okay, one apple
martini, diet coke.
479
00:30:58,289 --> 00:31:00,154
You, uh,
you don't drink?
480
00:31:00,258 --> 00:31:02,624
No, I'm on antibiotics.
481
00:31:02,727 --> 00:31:05,821
Anything... communicable?
482
00:31:07,365 --> 00:31:10,596
Oh, no, no, nothing
communicable.
483
00:31:10,702 --> 00:31:14,297
No, it's been awhile since
I've communicated with anyone.
484
00:31:14,405 --> 00:31:17,306
You mean since uh,
since you've had sex?
485
00:31:17,408 --> 00:31:18,932
How long?
486
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,271
Oh, you know,
I don't know...
487
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:22,175
not that long,
like six months.
488
00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:27,550
Wow.
489
00:31:27,652 --> 00:31:31,645
Although I did meet this one guy
on the phone sex line who came over,
490
00:31:31,756 --> 00:31:34,919
but he lied about what
he looked like, you know.
491
00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:37,153
When he showed up
he was like 20 years older...
492
00:31:37,262 --> 00:31:42,097
and 50 pounds heavier
than he said... and short.
493
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:47,536
Well he was a dwarf, or a
midget, I get them confused.
494
00:31:48,706 --> 00:31:49,434
Yeah.
495
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:54,136
He had crossed eyes
and burns on his face.
496
00:31:56,948 --> 00:31:59,314
No ears.
497
00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:01,282
I think he might have
been born with a hair lip,
498
00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,854
but that could have been
from the fire, you know.
499
00:32:03,955 --> 00:32:05,684
Yeah.
500
00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:08,850
I don't think he should have lied
about those things, you know?
501
00:32:10,128 --> 00:32:10,958
No.
502
00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:15,428
I told him that too
right after we had sex.
503
00:32:19,037 --> 00:32:20,129
Thank you.
504
00:32:24,175 --> 00:32:30,341
You know I have to tell you I
don't go on dates very often.
505
00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:33,713
But you know ever since I saw
you at the E.R.,
506
00:32:33,818 --> 00:32:36,082
you seem familiar
some how?
507
00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:37,484
Hmm.
508
00:32:37,588 --> 00:32:38,850
Did you grow up on Long Island?
509
00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:39,889
Uh-uh.
510
00:32:39,991 --> 00:32:42,619
- Texas.
- You don't have an accent.
511
00:32:42,727 --> 00:32:44,592
Where did you go to college?
512
00:32:44,696 --> 00:32:48,996
I went to NYU briefly
but it didn't work out.
513
00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:55,300
I don't know, I guess it's
just one of those things, huh?
514
00:32:55,406 --> 00:32:59,069
Oh, well I was in a porn
movie once, maybe you saw it.
515
00:33:01,112 --> 00:33:02,101
Really?
516
00:33:02,213 --> 00:33:03,305
No.
517
00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:12,419
Okay.
518
00:33:14,258 --> 00:33:15,384
Really?
519
00:33:15,493 --> 00:33:16,824
No.
520
00:33:16,928 --> 00:33:18,589
No, no.
521
00:33:18,696 --> 00:33:19,993
No.
522
00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:26,803
So you're an ornithologist?
523
00:33:26,904 --> 00:33:30,670
No, I just watch
birds for a living.
524
00:33:30,775 --> 00:33:33,437
Yeah, business can be
slow in the winter,
525
00:33:33,544 --> 00:33:36,513
but it's a steady paycheck and
I'm trying to keep it simple...
526
00:33:36,614 --> 00:33:38,309
right now.
527
00:33:38,416 --> 00:33:39,610
Keep it simple?
528
00:33:41,052 --> 00:33:42,610
Yeah.
529
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,781
Listen, I don't
have an infection.
530
00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:55,693
I'm in recovery and part of
that is being honest about that.
531
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,997
Good for you, Adam.
Good for you.
532
00:33:59,103 --> 00:34:00,866
Listen I deal
with a lot of people...
533
00:34:00,972 --> 00:34:02,769
who have addictive
personalities.
534
00:34:03,975 --> 00:34:06,967
Hey, wake up, it's not
over till the fat lady sings...
535
00:34:07,078 --> 00:34:08,841
and I ain't sung yet.
536
00:34:13,151 --> 00:34:17,315
Boy, tough crowd.
537
00:34:17,422 --> 00:34:20,084
Remember ladies and gentlemen,
if you throw any...
538
00:34:20,191 --> 00:34:23,024
wilted vegetables
I will simply eat them.
539
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:27,197
Although pork
ribs are my favorite,
540
00:34:27,298 --> 00:34:29,095
feel free to throw those.
541
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:30,565
Isn't it funny how the
more ribs you eat...
542
00:34:30,668 --> 00:34:32,829
the less you
can see of your own?
543
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,998
You know,
I know her, I think.
544
00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:46,575
Are those chocolate covered
crickets I hear in the audience?
545
00:34:47,885 --> 00:34:49,614
- Yeah.
- She was funny.
546
00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:52,314
Well you're sweet to say
that but really she wasn't.
547
00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:54,687
Ah, thanks for coming.
548
00:34:54,792 --> 00:34:56,259
Yeah.
549
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,954
Ah, what a shitty
audience, right?
550
00:34:59,063 --> 00:35:00,257
This is Steve.
551
00:35:00,364 --> 00:35:03,299
Oh, the doctor with the heart
of gold, nice to meet you.
552
00:35:03,401 --> 00:35:05,733
I know you, right, don't I?
553
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:08,237
Well, I was just on stage.
554
00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:10,565
Wait a minute.
555
00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:14,108
Oh my God.
556
00:35:14,212 --> 00:35:15,736
Marie's...
Marie's Crisis.
557
00:35:15,847 --> 00:35:17,644
- You're the cocktail waitress...
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
558
00:35:17,748 --> 00:35:19,943
I work there on weekends,
this place doesn't really pay,
559
00:35:20,051 --> 00:35:20,745
so...
560
00:35:20,852 --> 00:35:22,615
Right, I guess
you don't recognize me.
561
00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:24,881
I'm too self absorbed
to notice other people.
562
00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:27,014
I'm sorry did you say something?
563
00:35:38,035 --> 00:35:39,229
Okay.
564
00:35:39,337 --> 00:35:41,862
Excuse me I'm going
to take care of some business.
565
00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:43,440
Okay.
566
00:35:43,541 --> 00:35:44,508
He's so cute.
567
00:35:44,609 --> 00:35:46,634
I know, I know he's
so cute and we've been...
568
00:35:46,744 --> 00:35:47,802
having like the best time.
569
00:35:47,912 --> 00:35:50,073
Like the more I talk to him the
more it's like I've known him...
570
00:35:50,181 --> 00:35:51,205
my whole life.
571
00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:52,339
Past lives.
572
00:35:52,450 --> 00:35:53,178
Yeah.
573
00:35:53,284 --> 00:35:56,048
You're about as funny
as a heart attack.
574
00:35:56,154 --> 00:35:57,712
Oh, thanks dad!
575
00:36:01,859 --> 00:36:03,121
Okay, well here I am.
576
00:36:05,396 --> 00:36:07,296
Oh.
577
00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:08,695
What!
578
00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,427
Well aren't you worried about
getting gay bashed or yelled at?
579
00:36:11,536 --> 00:36:13,970
No!
580
00:36:14,071 --> 00:36:16,767
No, my God nothing like
that's ever happened to me.
581
00:36:16,874 --> 00:36:19,104
Yeah, it's just like every time
I expressed affection in public...
582
00:36:19,210 --> 00:36:21,542
some asshole from Jersey
throws a beer bottle at me.
583
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:25,205
Wow.
584
00:36:25,316 --> 00:36:27,011
Sounds like you've
had really bad luck.
585
00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:40,626
Oh... Burt, Burt,
Burt, look at you.
586
00:36:40,731 --> 00:36:42,722
Give me five!
Hey!
587
00:36:42,833 --> 00:36:44,232
Look at you, you're
all better now.
588
00:36:54,412 --> 00:36:55,276
Oh!
589
00:37:15,032 --> 00:37:16,863
Did you come?
590
00:37:16,968 --> 00:37:18,959
No, I think your dog
is licking my foot.
591
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:19,764
Oh.
592
00:37:19,870 --> 00:37:22,430
Burt, go to your bed, go!
593
00:37:26,544 --> 00:37:27,909
I'm sorry.
594
00:37:28,012 --> 00:37:30,537
I don't think he understands
what's happening to his daddy.
595
00:37:36,454 --> 00:37:38,547
Do you understand what's
happening to his daddy?
596
00:37:40,057 --> 00:37:40,955
No.
597
00:37:44,395 --> 00:37:49,162
- Yes, yeah.
- Come here.
598
00:37:59,944 --> 00:38:00,706
and angels sing.
599
00:38:04,048 --> 00:38:08,144
in the air.
600
00:38:08,252 --> 00:38:11,847
the start of spring,
601
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:15,517
602
00:38:15,626 --> 00:38:17,821
love, love, love...
603
00:38:17,928 --> 00:38:22,763
love, love, love, love, love.
604
00:38:28,372 --> 00:38:31,899
Aphrodite bitten.
605
00:38:32,009 --> 00:38:35,843
now I know the feeling.
606
00:38:35,946 --> 00:38:39,814
hyperventilatin',
607
00:38:39,917 --> 00:38:43,478
aphrodisiacking.
608
00:38:43,587 --> 00:38:46,283
love, love, love.
609
00:38:46,390 --> 00:38:51,794
love, love, love, love.
610
00:38:51,896 --> 00:38:55,730
love, like it has to be,
611
00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,927
love, love, love.
612
00:39:00,471 --> 00:39:04,100
me'd be talking L-O-V-E?
613
00:39:04,208 --> 00:39:08,304
that we both agree.
614
00:39:08,412 --> 00:39:10,437
615
00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:14,245
you'll say I do
616
00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:18,220
love, love, love.
617
00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:23,191
love, love, love, love.
618
00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:27,594
like it has to be
619
00:39:27,698 --> 00:39:30,792
love, love, love.
620
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:33,803
621
00:39:33,904 --> 00:39:35,565
ship of delight,
622
00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:39,575
623
00:39:39,677 --> 00:39:41,508
624
00:39:41,612 --> 00:39:43,512
pussycat did scowl.
625
00:39:43,614 --> 00:39:47,243
said come sail with me.
626
00:39:53,023 --> 00:39:56,550
it's love, love, love.
627
00:39:56,660 --> 00:40:01,597
love, love, love, love.
628
00:40:01,699 --> 00:40:05,601
it's so right for me
629
00:40:05,703 --> 00:40:09,571
love, love, love.
630
00:40:09,673 --> 00:40:13,131
631
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:17,476
632
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:21,745
633
00:40:22,853 --> 00:40:26,345
You know I actually wanted
to be a dancer at one point.
634
00:40:26,457 --> 00:40:27,788
Really?
635
00:40:27,892 --> 00:40:30,884
I was a theatre major,
couldn't deal with Bohemia,
636
00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:33,361
such a messy lifestyle,
very, very messy.
637
00:40:33,464 --> 00:40:34,431
What are you doing?
638
00:40:34,532 --> 00:40:35,499
What are you doing?
639
00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:38,363
When was your last relationship?
640
00:40:38,469 --> 00:40:43,099
Um, by relationship what
exactly do you mean?
641
00:40:46,177 --> 00:40:49,613
Your last boyfriend, lover,
homosexual lifetime...
642
00:40:49,713 --> 00:40:51,408
commitment partner companion?
643
00:40:54,185 --> 00:40:55,982
I've never really
had a long term one.
644
00:40:56,086 --> 00:41:00,489
No one's really held my interest
for that long, you know?
645
00:41:00,591 --> 00:41:02,422
Great.
646
00:41:02,526 --> 00:41:05,324
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute, now.
647
00:41:07,031 --> 00:41:09,261
You know when I was a kid
I figured I'd grow up,
648
00:41:09,366 --> 00:41:10,958
meet a nice guy,
have a big wedding.
649
00:41:11,068 --> 00:41:15,095
It all had to be a
certain way, you know.
650
00:41:15,206 --> 00:41:17,697
Like in the movies I'd seen.
651
00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,503
Yeah, me too.
652
00:41:19,610 --> 00:41:21,578
You know, I'd always watch those
movies and I'd superimpose...
653
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:23,670
myself over the man
and then the woman,
654
00:41:23,781 --> 00:41:25,840
you know,
I'd go back and forth.
655
00:41:25,950 --> 00:41:28,976
Like in one scene I'd be Julia
Roberts and then in the next...
656
00:41:29,086 --> 00:41:32,578
scene I'd be, you know
like Julia Roberts.
657
00:41:34,725 --> 00:41:36,249
Really?
658
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,021
I'm Meg Ryan.
659
00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:40,028
Hi Meg.
660
00:41:40,130 --> 00:41:41,688
Yeah, you're blonde.
661
00:41:43,868 --> 00:41:45,768
Ah, Julia come on.
662
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:49,871
Hey, you ever gone
gay two stepping over...
663
00:41:49,974 --> 00:41:51,635
at the Big Apple Rodeo
in Midtown?
664
00:41:51,742 --> 00:41:53,972
Two stepping, no I
can barely one step.
665
00:41:54,078 --> 00:41:55,841
What do you wear to
something like that?
666
00:42:00,551 --> 00:42:02,576
Oh my God, it's ho-down.
667
00:42:14,665 --> 00:42:15,996
All right come
here, come here, come here.
668
00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:17,192
I don't know how to do this.
669
00:42:17,301 --> 00:42:19,201
Relax, okay, it's really easy.
670
00:42:19,303 --> 00:42:23,433
All you do, okay look at this,
you go, quick quick step, step.
671
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,634
Quick, quick step,
step, exactly.
672
00:42:25,743 --> 00:42:27,608
It's just a repetition of the
same move except we're...
673
00:42:27,711 --> 00:42:29,110
going to be going that way,
all right?
674
00:42:29,213 --> 00:42:30,510
- Okay.
- Ready, here we go.
675
00:42:30,614 --> 00:42:33,105
And quick, quick step.
Good.
676
00:42:33,217 --> 00:42:34,411
Quick, quick, exactly.
677
00:42:34,518 --> 00:42:34,882
Ow!
678
00:42:34,985 --> 00:42:36,680
I'm sorry, oh, I'm sorry.
679
00:42:36,787 --> 00:42:39,654
It's okay, sorry, let's
keep going all right?
680
00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:42,692
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
681
00:42:42,793 --> 00:42:47,389
It's all right, look you'll
get the hang of it, all right.
682
00:42:47,498 --> 00:42:49,022
Let's just keep
going, here we go.
683
00:42:49,133 --> 00:42:51,727
Here we go, and
quick, quick step.
684
00:42:51,835 --> 00:42:52,597
Good.
685
00:42:54,171 --> 00:42:55,069
That's good.
686
00:42:56,707 --> 00:42:58,538
Hey, Steve.
687
00:42:58,642 --> 00:43:01,110
Hey, Andy.
688
00:43:01,211 --> 00:43:04,840
This is uh... Adam.
689
00:43:04,949 --> 00:43:07,975
Looks like someone's having
a little bit of trouble here.
690
00:43:08,085 --> 00:43:11,680
Yeah, well I'm Jewish,
you know give me a bottle dance...
691
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:12,983
and I'm fine.
692
00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:16,958
Well, I teach private lessons,
so if you ever want to take it...
693
00:43:17,061 --> 00:43:20,394
seriously at all,
you just let me know.
694
00:43:20,497 --> 00:43:23,022
Actually, Andy is a
really great instructor.
695
00:43:23,133 --> 00:43:26,830
Not that you ever
needed any instructing.
696
00:43:26,937 --> 00:43:29,064
Your dancing's not bad either.
697
00:43:29,173 --> 00:43:31,403
Shalom cowboy...
698
00:43:41,352 --> 00:43:43,479
Oh my God,
I'm terrible at this.
699
00:43:43,587 --> 00:43:46,249
No, you just started, now
come on, try and relax.
700
00:43:46,357 --> 00:43:47,585
All right, here we go.
701
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,959
Now, this is much better.
702
00:44:02,006 --> 00:44:03,837
This is just like any slow song.
703
00:44:03,941 --> 00:44:06,876
That's right, except in heels.
704
00:44:10,414 --> 00:44:12,439
I tried to be a
good dancer once.
705
00:44:12,549 --> 00:44:14,039
What happened?
706
00:44:14,151 --> 00:44:17,518
Have you ever been
to a sober dance?
707
00:44:17,621 --> 00:44:20,749
I hate to point this out
but dancing is 90% beer.
708
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,285
What about dirty dancing?
709
00:44:30,768 --> 00:44:32,030
Wow, you're
in a mood.
710
00:44:32,136 --> 00:44:33,569
You're like a different
person tonight.
711
00:44:33,671 --> 00:44:37,038
Well, I'm happy.
I'm dating someone.
712
00:44:39,743 --> 00:44:41,438
That guy Andy is really hot.
713
00:44:42,379 --> 00:44:43,710
I guess.
714
00:44:43,814 --> 00:44:47,875
But uh...
he's not my boyfriend.
715
00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:50,878
You are.
716
00:44:55,292 --> 00:45:00,320
I'd feel the way I do.
717
00:45:00,431 --> 00:45:05,425
life in so many ways.
718
00:45:05,536 --> 00:45:09,632
we kissed, you showed me...
719
00:45:13,243 --> 00:45:14,710
You sure he said boyfriend?
720
00:45:14,812 --> 00:45:17,804
He didn't say, boy
do I need a friend?
721
00:45:17,915 --> 00:45:19,246
Yeah, I don't know
what to say to him.
722
00:45:19,349 --> 00:45:22,546
You know I look at him sometimes
and I have these feelings like...
723
00:45:22,653 --> 00:45:25,713
I cherish him, but then
I always feel like I'm waiting...
724
00:45:25,823 --> 00:45:28,053
for the other shoe to drop
like it always has.
725
00:45:28,158 --> 00:45:31,525
He seems to be moving awfully
fast for a psychiatrist.
726
00:45:31,628 --> 00:45:34,722
I mean the whole idea of this
romantic myth stuff is a recipe...
727
00:45:34,832 --> 00:45:37,392
for disaster, he's a
shrink, he should know this.
728
00:45:37,501 --> 00:45:39,128
Yeah, he is a shrink.
729
00:45:39,236 --> 00:45:42,228
I think he knows more
about this stuff than us.
730
00:45:42,339 --> 00:45:44,830
He has a degree,
we just have Oprah.
731
00:45:46,143 --> 00:45:48,373
Oprah has made it impossible
for me to have a close...
732
00:45:48,479 --> 00:45:51,880
relationship with
anyone, besides Oprah.
733
00:45:51,982 --> 00:45:55,247
He's so normal and
I'm just, I'm such a freak.
734
00:45:57,187 --> 00:45:58,518
We're really different.
735
00:45:58,622 --> 00:46:00,055
I think that's good.
736
00:46:00,157 --> 00:46:03,718
The thing about you gay guys
is that you're just obsessed...
737
00:46:03,827 --> 00:46:05,522
with finding carbon
copies of yourself.
738
00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,621
At least with guys and girls
we know we'll never figure...
739
00:46:08,732 --> 00:46:12,224
each other out so we just say,
"Oh, he's just being a man"
740
00:46:12,336 --> 00:46:14,804
or "Oh, she's just on the rag."
741
00:46:14,905 --> 00:46:16,463
I guess.
742
00:46:17,841 --> 00:46:19,638
Have you had a fight yet?
743
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:20,675
No.
744
00:46:22,746 --> 00:46:24,304
Is that weird?
745
00:46:24,414 --> 00:46:27,178
Well you do have some
things in common,
746
00:46:27,284 --> 00:46:29,878
he 'two-steps' and
you 'twelve-step'.
747
00:46:32,723 --> 00:46:35,487
You know maybe your
comedy is like my love life.
748
00:46:35,592 --> 00:46:39,494
You know if you stop trying so
hard it will come, you know?
749
00:46:39,596 --> 00:46:44,898
But fat jokes are my forte
and being fat is the only...
750
00:46:45,002 --> 00:46:47,266
funny thing that
ever happened to me.
751
00:46:49,306 --> 00:46:53,709
It's the only... thing some
idiot off the street...
752
00:46:53,811 --> 00:46:55,870
would find
interesting about me.
753
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:11,159
Who are these for?
754
00:47:11,261 --> 00:47:14,719
My friends Jeff and Jeff are
bringing their new foster child.
755
00:47:14,832 --> 00:47:16,493
Ah, kids.
756
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,830
I saw some of those on TV once.
757
00:47:18,936 --> 00:47:21,302
Ever think about having kids?
758
00:47:21,405 --> 00:47:24,397
No, I already have one, myself.
759
00:47:24,508 --> 00:47:26,738
I love children.
760
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,835
I can't imagine anybody
not loving kids.
761
00:47:28,946 --> 00:47:30,174
Would you stop it?
762
00:47:30,647 --> 00:47:31,579
Come here.
763
00:47:35,085 --> 00:47:36,211
Hello.
764
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:37,412
Hi!
765
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:41,684
Hi. I'm Michael.
766
00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,691
So Steve tells me
you used to be fat?
767
00:47:48,799 --> 00:47:51,393
Oh Adam told me you
used to be short.
768
00:47:53,570 --> 00:47:57,529
Were you like fat
or... circus fat?
769
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:02,277
You know you really ought to be
standing when you insult a lady.
770
00:48:02,379 --> 00:48:03,971
Oh, wait, you already are.
771
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:08,882
What did you do with
all that loose skin,
772
00:48:08,986 --> 00:48:12,285
did you like donate it to
a burn unit or something?
773
00:48:12,389 --> 00:48:15,881
No, I gave it to the little
people, the real little people,
774
00:48:15,993 --> 00:48:18,587
not the fake little
people like you.
775
00:48:27,237 --> 00:48:28,363
Wow.
776
00:48:28,472 --> 00:48:30,303
Cute kid, huh?
777
00:48:31,875 --> 00:48:33,433
Wonder if she's gay.
778
00:48:35,946 --> 00:48:41,782
Look, I just wanted to let you
know that I think it's cool...
779
00:48:41,885 --> 00:48:45,514
that you and Steve are
hanging out and you know,
780
00:48:45,622 --> 00:48:48,147
doing your gay love thing.
781
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,750
Awe, thanks Michael,
that's sweet.
782
00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:53,022
Yeah.
783
00:48:55,832 --> 00:49:01,998
I just, you know before he
met you he was such a whore.
784
00:49:02,105 --> 00:49:04,699
Sorry, whore's get paid.
785
00:49:04,808 --> 00:49:06,867
He was a slut.
786
00:49:06,977 --> 00:49:11,073
He used to go to like the gym
every night and just go in...
787
00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,877
the shower and hook up with
like hundreds of guys,
788
00:49:13,984 --> 00:49:17,078
like the hottest guys in
New York for the taking.
789
00:49:17,187 --> 00:49:21,647
To be honest with you, I can
never really understand...
790
00:49:21,758 --> 00:49:26,422
why he would like give
up all that easy lovemaking,
791
00:49:26,530 --> 00:49:28,191
but you know I
understand that you,
792
00:49:28,298 --> 00:49:31,426
you know guys want
equal rights, so.
793
00:49:35,973 --> 00:49:37,804
Your best friend is cute.
794
00:49:39,509 --> 00:49:41,272
She's kind of a
bitch though, right?
795
00:49:42,846 --> 00:49:44,074
Yeah.
796
00:49:47,851 --> 00:49:49,045
What time do your folks get in?
797
00:49:49,152 --> 00:49:50,847
They should be here
in about an hour.
798
00:49:50,954 --> 00:49:52,649
Did you put away Michael's porn?
799
00:49:52,756 --> 00:49:53,745
Yeah.
800
00:49:53,857 --> 00:49:55,017
Did you put away Michael?
801
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:58,185
He's at a three stooges
convention at the Javitz Center.
802
00:49:58,295 --> 00:50:00,092
Oh, I hope they like me.
803
00:50:00,197 --> 00:50:02,256
Honey, you'll be fine.
804
00:50:02,366 --> 00:50:04,391
They're the ones that should be
worried about what you think,
805
00:50:04,501 --> 00:50:05,866
they're entering our world.
806
00:50:05,969 --> 00:50:07,231
When you're
a born again Christian...
807
00:50:07,337 --> 00:50:08,565
your world follows you.
808
00:50:08,672 --> 00:50:10,230
Yeah, but they're not
that religious anymore.
809
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,399
Look, I've been
out for ten years,
810
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:14,136
they've had plenty of time
to get used to the idea...
811
00:50:14,244 --> 00:50:16,735
that eventually
I'd meet somebody, huh?
812
00:50:23,453 --> 00:50:26,251
Ew, Fags!
813
00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:32,621
Welcome to the West Village
asshole, better get used to it!
814
00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:41,671
Asshole.
815
00:50:49,446 --> 00:50:53,041
You know, Jesus was a Jew.
816
00:50:53,150 --> 00:50:55,744
That's right, he sure was.
817
00:50:55,852 --> 00:50:58,753
Uh, would anybody care
for some wine?
818
00:50:58,855 --> 00:51:00,186
That would be delightful.
819
00:51:00,290 --> 00:51:02,656
Open that box of
Zinfandel we brought.
820
00:51:05,495 --> 00:51:07,554
Show him what we
bought at the airport.
821
00:51:13,437 --> 00:51:17,203
Now it's not for dinner,
it's just for decoration.
822
00:51:17,307 --> 00:51:22,711
It was made from actual ceramic
chips recovered from the site.
823
00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:23,939
Here we go.
824
00:51:24,047 --> 00:51:28,143
Mom, dad, here we are.
825
00:51:28,251 --> 00:51:29,548
Don't you want some?
826
00:51:29,653 --> 00:51:31,518
Oh, no I'm an alcoholic.
827
00:51:32,656 --> 00:51:34,146
He's in recovery.
828
00:51:37,828 --> 00:51:39,796
Excuse us for a
minute, mom, dad.
829
00:51:41,598 --> 00:51:43,498
I feel like I have a sign
under my neck that reads,
830
00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:45,067
"I eat your son's ass".
831
00:51:45,168 --> 00:51:48,626
Look, stop it, just act
like you normally do, okay?
832
00:51:48,738 --> 00:51:50,535
We have to show them that there's
nothing wrong with being gay.
833
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,803
Look, they're in New
York now, not Texas.
834
00:51:53,910 --> 00:51:57,175
Good lordy these
windows are so big!
835
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,214
I feel like I could
just fall right out.
836
00:51:59,316 --> 00:52:02,183
Not exactly a ton of
privacy though is there?
837
00:52:08,458 --> 00:52:14,090
Mom, dad, I just wanted to say
that normally Adam and I are...
838
00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:20,102
very affectionate with each
other and we don't feel that...
839
00:52:20,203 --> 00:52:25,038
it would be fair to us, or really
to you if we behaved in a way...
840
00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:30,705
that somehow demonstrated that
we are in any way ashamed...
841
00:52:30,814 --> 00:52:33,681
of our feelings for each other.
842
00:52:33,783 --> 00:52:36,377
I think it's important that
we express our normal healthy...
843
00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:39,944
affection for each
other in your presence.
844
00:52:41,091 --> 00:52:44,583
Right?
And um, um...
845
00:52:46,062 --> 00:52:48,030
Well, I just
wanted to say that.
846
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:52,392
Oh, well.
847
00:52:52,502 --> 00:52:57,804
Don't not be ya'lls usual
selves, just cause we're here!
848
00:52:59,209 --> 00:53:00,176
Yes.
849
00:53:01,578 --> 00:53:03,205
We're all grown ups here.
850
00:53:13,023 --> 00:53:15,583
Ew, fags!
851
00:53:18,795 --> 00:53:20,660
So how would a person
find curtains for...
852
00:53:20,764 --> 00:53:23,631
a window so big, son?
853
00:53:24,434 --> 00:53:30,634
Well, you know, New York
is a very big city so...
854
00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:33,231
Cornholers!!
855
00:53:37,847 --> 00:53:40,008
How's that wine,
any left?
856
00:53:40,116 --> 00:53:42,243
We don't have any
more boxes of wine,
857
00:53:42,352 --> 00:53:44,343
I can open an actual bottle.
858
00:53:44,454 --> 00:53:46,854
Cocksuckers!!
859
00:53:49,159 --> 00:53:51,184
Cock screw's right
there on the counter.
860
00:53:51,695 --> 00:53:52,627
Cork!
861
00:53:54,965 --> 00:53:56,330
Got it, right here.
862
00:54:05,842 --> 00:54:06,900
Oh.
863
00:54:14,217 --> 00:54:17,653
Ah, I'm never having sex again.
864
00:54:17,754 --> 00:54:19,312
No, they'll be fine.
865
00:54:19,422 --> 00:54:20,650
No, they really liked you.
866
00:54:22,559 --> 00:54:25,585
As your dad was leaving he
told me I was going to hell.
867
00:54:25,695 --> 00:54:28,425
Yeah, well he only tries to
save the people he likes.
868
00:54:30,166 --> 00:54:31,827
How come you never
talk about your family?
869
00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:34,995
What are they, in the witness
protection program or something?
870
00:54:35,105 --> 00:54:37,938
Uh, my family is really weird.
871
00:54:39,342 --> 00:54:41,503
They're not lucky.
872
00:54:41,611 --> 00:54:43,943
Adam, there's no such
thing as luck, okay?
873
00:54:44,047 --> 00:54:45,912
Ah, yeah, there is.
874
00:54:47,484 --> 00:54:49,384
Listen if you want to
meet them you can...
875
00:54:49,486 --> 00:54:51,545
come with me to Hannukah
dinner in a few months.
876
00:54:53,657 --> 00:54:54,749
If you still like me.
877
00:54:56,993 --> 00:54:58,483
If I still like you?
878
00:55:00,430 --> 00:55:02,898
Yeah, I know I'm just
making an assumption there.
879
00:55:04,768 --> 00:55:07,464
Adam, come on.
880
00:55:09,272 --> 00:55:10,899
I more than like you.
881
00:55:15,912 --> 00:55:17,675
- Adam...
- I love you.
882
00:55:17,781 --> 00:55:20,579
You just had to say
it first, didn't you?
883
00:55:20,684 --> 00:55:24,780
I'm sorry, it's easier for
me to say it than to hear it.
884
00:55:24,888 --> 00:55:28,847
Adam, I love you.
885
00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:31,290
I love you.
886
00:55:32,562 --> 00:55:36,020
I love, I love,
I love, love, love you...
887
00:55:40,036 --> 00:55:43,199
Adam,
I do, I love you.
888
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:07,361
Hey, it's Steve,
I am ridiculously in love
889
00:56:07,464 --> 00:56:09,022
and therefore
extremely unreachable,
890
00:56:09,132 --> 00:56:11,930
but leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
891
00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:38,884
All right, this next comic
used to be really fat.
892
00:56:38,995 --> 00:56:40,895
Which means now her pussy's
probably really tight because
893
00:56:40,997 --> 00:56:43,522
no one's ever been in there.
894
00:56:43,633 --> 00:56:45,294
She's the hottest female
comic this side of...
895
00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:48,701
I can't think of any
hot female comics.
896
00:56:48,805 --> 00:56:51,433
But even if you don't think
she's funny, and she's not,
897
00:56:51,541 --> 00:56:55,068
then just turn her around
and look upon Rhonda Gernan...
898
00:56:55,178 --> 00:56:57,669
and her amazing
heart shaped ass.
899
00:57:06,289 --> 00:57:07,779
Thank you.
Wow.
900
00:57:07,891 --> 00:57:09,222
You know, Lou, I always
knew you were crazy,
901
00:57:09,325 --> 00:57:13,523
but in those pants I can see
your nuts and they're sad.
902
00:57:13,630 --> 00:57:17,066
They're sad because
there's no one up there.
903
00:57:17,167 --> 00:57:20,694
No pork, just beans.
904
00:57:20,804 --> 00:57:23,602
No sausage for your
country breakfast.
905
00:57:24,941 --> 00:57:27,136
No condiments for your meat.
906
00:57:28,645 --> 00:57:32,445
No relish, no sauce.
907
00:57:32,549 --> 00:57:35,040
Lou's so small.
Ask me how small he is?
908
00:57:35,785 --> 00:57:37,150
How small is he?
909
00:57:37,253 --> 00:57:38,880
Lou's so small his
last girlfriend...
910
00:57:38,988 --> 00:57:40,683
was a pencil sharpener.
911
00:57:42,559 --> 00:57:44,049
Lou's so small
he doesn't get crabs,
912
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:45,320
he dates them.
913
00:57:47,096 --> 00:57:50,793
Lou's so small if he were a
drink he'd be a no piña colada.
914
00:57:52,402 --> 00:57:53,835
Knock, knock.
915
00:57:53,937 --> 00:57:55,097
Who's there?
916
00:57:57,540 --> 00:58:00,338
Oh, I don't see anything,
I guess it's Lou's penis.
917
00:58:05,381 --> 00:58:07,611
Well obviously there's
one man in the audience...
918
00:58:07,717 --> 00:58:09,617
who's secure enough
with his masculinity...
919
00:58:09,719 --> 00:58:11,380
to laugh at my jokes.
920
00:58:21,965 --> 00:58:23,660
Hey.
Thanks for coming.
921
00:58:23,766 --> 00:58:24,755
Oh yeah.
922
00:58:24,868 --> 00:58:26,301
And laughing.
923
00:58:26,402 --> 00:58:28,302
Yeah, hi.
924
00:58:30,707 --> 00:58:32,971
You're, you're funny.
925
00:58:33,076 --> 00:58:35,544
I just got fired.
926
00:58:35,645 --> 00:58:38,546
All Lou did was complement
you on your ass,
927
00:58:38,648 --> 00:58:40,445
why did you make fun of him?
928
00:58:40,550 --> 00:58:42,518
Because in this heart
shaped ass is an asshole...
929
00:58:42,619 --> 00:58:44,814
which is, I guess, what I am.
930
00:58:46,189 --> 00:58:47,156
Gross.
931
00:58:47,257 --> 00:58:50,226
It's good to see you have
fun with Gloria Steinam here.
932
00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:59,161
You know I'm not with her,
she just sat next to me.
933
00:58:59,269 --> 00:59:00,293
I'm not your mother.
934
00:59:00,403 --> 00:59:01,495
Oh, well you kind
of look like her.
935
00:59:02,672 --> 00:59:04,037
Well, that's good.
936
00:59:04,140 --> 00:59:08,600
I'm late I've got to go
stare into a black hole.
937
00:59:08,711 --> 00:59:10,838
You know I don't see
Steve as often as I used to...
938
00:59:10,947 --> 00:59:12,881
ever since he
hooked up with Adam.
939
00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:15,712
I think they're completely
wrong for each other.
940
00:59:15,818 --> 00:59:17,217
Don't you agree?
941
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:18,878
Oh, come on their fags!
942
00:59:18,988 --> 00:59:20,512
You know how it is.
943
00:59:20,623 --> 00:59:22,955
Besides I think it's good,
Adam's luck has completely
944
00:59:23,059 --> 00:59:26,893
changed since they met.
Why am I talking to you?
945
00:59:28,798 --> 00:59:30,698
Hey, you want to get
a drink or something?
946
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:32,563
Like, it's so early.
947
00:59:34,203 --> 00:59:35,966
You want to get a hot totty?
948
00:59:36,072 --> 00:59:37,869
I try not to drink.
949
00:59:37,974 --> 00:59:40,670
You don't get thirsty? You
know your body is 90% water.
950
00:59:40,777 --> 00:59:42,369
Booze, it's the carbs!
951
00:59:42,478 --> 00:59:43,809
Oh, right.
952
00:59:46,015 --> 00:59:48,142
Are there
carbohydrates in pot?
953
00:59:59,829 --> 01:00:01,091
Oh.
954
01:00:01,197 --> 01:00:03,290
Wow, public access.
955
01:00:04,901 --> 01:00:06,664
Do you believe they
get away with that?
956
01:00:15,845 --> 01:00:19,838
Oh, hey look, American
Movie Classics.
957
01:00:19,949 --> 01:00:22,713
You like that don't you?
958
01:00:22,819 --> 01:00:24,787
Isn't it funny how the only
requirements for them to be...
959
01:00:24,887 --> 01:00:27,913
a classic is that it
be over 40 years old.
960
01:00:28,024 --> 01:00:30,151
I never thought of that.
961
01:00:34,364 --> 01:00:35,661
You're funny.
962
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,324
Funny lady.
963
01:00:39,435 --> 01:00:40,732
Oh my God,
I love that movie.
964
01:00:40,837 --> 01:00:43,601
Oh my God me too, Steve makes
me watch it all the time,
965
01:00:43,706 --> 01:00:49,702
except I think 'Funny Girl'
is much more satisfying.
966
01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,337
Well, I think that's
the common opinion.
967
01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,109
Yeah, that's the
common opinion...
968
01:01:03,860 --> 01:01:05,191
Mmmm.
969
01:01:05,294 --> 01:01:06,784
I've got the munchies.
970
01:01:26,549 --> 01:01:28,983
My God what are you
doing, I can't eat that!
971
01:01:29,085 --> 01:01:32,646
Oh, you can't have one pie?
972
01:01:32,755 --> 01:01:34,848
No I can't have one pie!
973
01:01:34,957 --> 01:01:37,050
One pie is like an
appetizer to me.
974
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:39,458
I eat that,
I unleash the beast!
975
01:01:42,465 --> 01:01:45,764
Well then come on Rhonda,
unleash the beast!
976
01:02:24,540 --> 01:02:25,666
I had a slip.
977
01:02:34,417 --> 01:02:35,975
- Thanks gents, have a good night.
- Thank you.
978
01:02:40,556 --> 01:02:41,716
All right, okay.
979
01:02:44,694 --> 01:02:47,993
Ah, you know I don't think
this is such a good idea.
980
01:02:48,097 --> 01:02:50,691
What is the big deal?
Look you met my parents...
981
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:52,358
I want to meet yours.
982
01:02:52,468 --> 01:02:53,594
All I'm saying is that they're...
983
01:02:53,703 --> 01:02:56,137
I know, I know
they're not lucky.
984
01:02:56,239 --> 01:02:58,139
They're kind of cursed.
985
01:02:58,241 --> 01:03:00,937
Well if they're anything as
dramatic as their son Adam,
986
01:03:01,043 --> 01:03:03,341
focus, okay, relax.
987
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,277
You always exaggerate
everything.
988
01:03:05,381 --> 01:03:06,370
Go.
989
01:03:06,482 --> 01:03:08,313
Go in!
990
01:03:08,417 --> 01:03:09,281
Okay?
991
01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:10,545
Go, it's okay.
992
01:03:17,593 --> 01:03:18,958
Hello.
993
01:03:19,061 --> 01:03:20,790
We're here.
994
01:03:20,897 --> 01:03:22,797
Welcome home!
995
01:03:26,602 --> 01:03:30,299
Darn it, we just replaced
that thing last week.
996
01:03:30,406 --> 01:03:31,703
Happy Hannukah.
997
01:03:42,185 --> 01:03:43,277
Whoa!
998
01:03:45,454 --> 01:03:46,443
You must be Steve.
999
01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:47,284
Hi.
1000
01:03:47,390 --> 01:03:49,483
Welcome, welcome,
welcome, welcome.
1001
01:03:49,592 --> 01:03:55,292
I'm Adam's father, I'm Norm and
this is Sherry and this is...
1002
01:03:55,398 --> 01:03:57,059
our beautiful daughter Ruth.
1003
01:03:57,166 --> 01:03:58,929
Hi, it's so nice to meet...
Ooh!
1004
01:03:59,035 --> 01:04:02,027
Uh-oh, did you bite your
tongue again sweetie?
1005
01:04:02,138 --> 01:04:03,162
Mm-hmm.
1006
01:04:04,307 --> 01:04:05,774
Hi.
1007
01:04:05,875 --> 01:04:08,708
Hi, Ruth, Mr., Mrs. Bernstein.
1008
01:04:08,811 --> 01:04:10,335
Thank you for having me.
1009
01:04:11,681 --> 01:04:14,980
Please call me Sherry,
any boyfriend of Adam's...
1010
01:04:15,084 --> 01:04:16,847
is a boyfriend of mine.
1011
01:04:16,953 --> 01:04:18,682
And that's right.
1012
01:04:18,788 --> 01:04:20,483
It's getting a little rare
having this one come around...
1013
01:04:20,590 --> 01:04:22,319
and visit us once in awhile.
1014
01:04:22,425 --> 01:04:23,790
I think he's
just a little embarrassed...
1015
01:04:23,893 --> 01:04:25,861
about the Bernstein curse.
1016
01:04:25,962 --> 01:04:28,931
Dad, there is no such thing.
1017
01:04:34,203 --> 01:04:36,364
You like that?
Are you enjoying?
1018
01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:37,837
Mmm.
1019
01:04:37,940 --> 01:04:39,271
Steve, matza?
1020
01:04:39,375 --> 01:04:41,172
Oh, yes, thank
you very much sir.
1021
01:04:42,912 --> 01:04:43,810
Thank you.
1022
01:04:51,053 --> 01:04:52,748
Seven more.
1023
01:04:52,855 --> 01:04:54,652
I thought that
was shatter proof.
1024
01:04:54,757 --> 01:04:56,019
All right.
1025
01:04:56,125 --> 01:04:57,353
I'm sorry, I just
have to ask this,
1026
01:04:57,460 --> 01:05:00,588
but are all of you
okay with this?
1027
01:05:00,696 --> 01:05:03,324
Well, I used to charge
people a quarter...
1028
01:05:03,432 --> 01:05:05,093
every time they asked
us that question,
1029
01:05:05,201 --> 01:05:06,725
but nobody
could afford it.
1030
01:05:06,836 --> 01:05:08,997
Lowered it to a nickel and
it still broke practically...
1031
01:05:09,105 --> 01:05:10,868
everybody's bank.
1032
01:05:10,973 --> 01:05:14,101
Happiness is accepting
life on life's terms.
1033
01:05:14,210 --> 01:05:17,304
You know I mean no matter
what they happen to be.
1034
01:05:17,413 --> 01:05:21,372
You just do your best with
what you've been given.
1035
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:24,248
Till we found out we
were luck challenged,
1036
01:05:24,353 --> 01:05:27,652
we thought there was a
poltergeist or something.
1037
01:05:27,757 --> 01:05:30,624
We were on 'In Search Of'
in the 70s...
1038
01:05:30,726 --> 01:05:32,284
you know, with Spock.
1039
01:05:32,395 --> 01:05:35,489
Oh, we still have the tape,
we'll show it to you...
1040
01:05:35,598 --> 01:05:36,963
after we light the menorah.
1041
01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:39,162
Mom, could we
get through a Hannukah...
1042
01:05:39,268 --> 01:05:40,701
without watching that tape?
1043
01:05:40,803 --> 01:05:43,101
Adam just hates that tape,
he was a real pizza face...
1044
01:05:43,205 --> 01:05:44,536
back then you know.
1045
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:47,234
Too busy with all that
white face paint to clear.
1046
01:05:47,343 --> 01:05:48,742
Anybody want coffee?
1047
01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:52,813
White face paint?
1048
01:05:52,915 --> 01:05:54,906
I was a goth in high school.
1049
01:05:56,519 --> 01:05:57,508
Who would like coffee?
1050
01:05:57,620 --> 01:05:58,917
Oh!
1051
01:05:59,021 --> 01:06:00,648
Well, we're out of coffee.
1052
01:06:05,461 --> 01:06:08,828
Uh, it's okay, it's kind
of late for coffee anyway.
1053
01:06:11,300 --> 01:06:13,268
You know what?
1054
01:06:13,369 --> 01:06:17,032
Let's spin the draidle
and open presents.
1055
01:06:17,139 --> 01:06:18,436
Yeah!
1056
01:06:20,409 --> 01:06:23,276
Well, now that you
have a special friend
1057
01:06:23,379 --> 01:06:25,540
I want to see more
of you around here.
1058
01:06:25,648 --> 01:06:26,444
Dad!
1059
01:06:26,549 --> 01:06:30,645
Steve is Adam's lover.
God, you are so square.
1060
01:06:30,753 --> 01:06:36,783
Oh, it was such a pleasure to
meet you Steve... oh, thank you.
1061
01:06:36,892 --> 01:06:42,489
I'm so happy that my Adam has
found someone as nice as you.
1062
01:06:42,598 --> 01:06:45,897
Oh, Sherry, look thanks
for making me feel so welcome,
1063
01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:48,129
and oh, for
such an amazing meal.
1064
01:06:48,237 --> 01:06:50,137
Well, it was made with love.
1065
01:06:50,239 --> 01:06:51,570
You know, I hate to see
you waste money
1066
01:06:51,674 --> 01:06:54,108
taking a taxi
to the train station.
1067
01:06:54,210 --> 01:06:56,041
Don't you want us
to give you a ride?
1068
01:06:56,145 --> 01:06:57,442
No!
1069
01:06:57,546 --> 01:06:59,241
Thank you, no.
1070
01:07:37,353 --> 01:07:38,911
I love you.
1071
01:07:53,436 --> 01:07:55,404
Why can't a lesbian
diet and put on makeup...
1072
01:07:55,504 --> 01:07:56,835
at the same time?
1073
01:07:56,939 --> 01:07:57,963
I don't know, why?
1074
01:07:58,074 --> 01:08:01,510
Cause you can't eat Jenny Craig
with Mary Kay on your face.
1075
01:08:04,647 --> 01:08:06,877
Does anyone know
what mothballs smell like?
1076
01:08:06,982 --> 01:08:08,176
Yes.
1077
01:08:08,284 --> 01:08:11,879
Oh really, how did you get them
to spread their little legs?
1078
01:08:14,890 --> 01:08:16,380
I have an audition
for a lesbian cruise ship...
1079
01:08:16,492 --> 01:08:18,983
next week,
very excited about it.
1080
01:08:19,095 --> 01:08:22,155
I like lesbians,
lesbians like me.
1081
01:08:22,264 --> 01:08:24,698
Trying to cut down on
the fat jokes though.
1082
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:27,530
Mm, I still can't
even imagine you fat.
1083
01:08:27,636 --> 01:08:30,264
Oh, I can, oh, honey, show
Steve that photo of you.
1084
01:08:30,706 --> 01:08:31,229
No!
1085
01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:32,703
Yeah, come on.
1086
01:08:32,808 --> 01:08:35,902
No, I look like
a Long Island blimp...
1087
01:08:36,011 --> 01:08:38,479
with a bad
Chinese lady perm.
1088
01:08:38,581 --> 01:08:39,513
No.
1089
01:08:39,615 --> 01:08:42,914
Speaking of Long Island, you
know we went to Long Island...
1090
01:08:43,018 --> 01:08:45,851
last week, we went to
Adam's parents' house.
1091
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:48,947
Oh my God, I was there
once and a piece of space lab...
1092
01:08:49,058 --> 01:08:51,026
splashed down into their pool.
1093
01:08:51,127 --> 01:08:53,994
Oh my God!
1094
01:08:54,096 --> 01:08:55,961
Actually...
1095
01:08:58,868 --> 01:09:00,597
I'm going to
ask Adam to marry me.
1096
01:09:00,703 --> 01:09:02,466
Oh my God!
1097
01:09:02,571 --> 01:09:03,833
You're going to marry him!
1098
01:09:03,939 --> 01:09:06,305
But you guys have only been
going out for a couple months.
1099
01:09:06,408 --> 01:09:08,239
Actually it's almost
been a year Michael,
1100
01:09:08,344 --> 01:09:10,403
besides my parents got
married on the third date...
1101
01:09:10,513 --> 01:09:11,741
and they're still together.
1102
01:09:11,847 --> 01:09:13,508
Well you're only as
monogamous as your options.
1103
01:09:13,616 --> 01:09:16,414
I mean your parents live in
a trailer park in a field.
1104
01:09:16,519 --> 01:09:17,349
Excuse me!
1105
01:09:17,453 --> 01:09:20,013
Only as monogamous
as their options!
1106
01:09:20,122 --> 01:09:22,784
You know it gets worse Michael,
I'm going to ask him to move in.
1107
01:09:22,892 --> 01:09:24,450
Oh my God!
1108
01:09:25,327 --> 01:09:27,352
I knew this day
was going to come.
1109
01:09:27,463 --> 01:09:30,193
You know you said you needed a
place to crash for the night...
1110
01:09:30,299 --> 01:09:32,767
and you've been living on
my couch for five years.
1111
01:09:32,868 --> 01:09:34,859
Jesus, Michael, be
happy for them.
1112
01:09:36,939 --> 01:09:38,702
I think it's great.
1113
01:09:38,807 --> 01:09:40,638
He's going to flip out.
1114
01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:42,404
He really loves you.
1115
01:09:42,511 --> 01:09:44,570
I love him too, I do.
1116
01:09:46,315 --> 01:09:48,806
You know it's funny when I was
a kid I just supposed I'd get
1117
01:09:48,918 --> 01:09:51,910
married like everybody
else, but I don't know,
1118
01:09:52,021 --> 01:09:55,513
turned out I was gay and I just
figured it wasn't in the cards.
1119
01:09:55,624 --> 01:09:58,058
But I mean I don't even know
what I think of marriage anyway.
1120
01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:00,253
Sometimes I think it's
a dying institution.
1121
01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:03,559
Yeah, well it is,
then you fall in love.
1122
01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:04,655
Exactly.
1123
01:10:06,602 --> 01:10:08,160
Sometimes I look
at him and I think,
1124
01:10:08,270 --> 01:10:11,364
this is not the person I
was supposed to end up with,
1125
01:10:11,473 --> 01:10:16,137
but I don't know,
somehow it's all okay.
1126
01:10:18,380 --> 01:10:20,109
So who gets to wear the dress?
1127
01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:21,410
You do.
1128
01:10:30,326 --> 01:10:31,350
Hi.
1129
01:10:31,460 --> 01:10:32,893
Hey, good lookin'.
1130
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:35,586
Hey.
1131
01:10:35,698 --> 01:10:37,928
Wait a minute, come
here, come here.
1132
01:10:43,939 --> 01:10:48,399
I um, I want to take
you someplace. Okay?
1133
01:10:48,510 --> 01:10:50,273
Oh God, please don't tell me
there's something...
1134
01:10:50,379 --> 01:10:51,846
called three stepping.
1135
01:10:52,848 --> 01:10:57,080
No, it's just my favorite
place in the city.
1136
01:10:57,186 --> 01:10:58,118
You game?
1137
01:10:58,220 --> 01:10:59,448
Yeah.
1138
01:11:00,256 --> 01:11:01,917
- Let's go.
- Okay.
1139
01:11:16,038 --> 01:11:17,767
The Brooklyn Bridge,
that's your favorite place?
1140
01:11:17,873 --> 01:11:18,669
Uh huh.
1141
01:11:18,774 --> 01:11:21,572
Let's go, come on, come on!
1142
01:11:31,420 --> 01:11:33,445
God, I haven't
been here in years,
1143
01:11:33,555 --> 01:11:36,456
it's getting harder to remember
where the towers were, you know?
1144
01:11:37,726 --> 01:11:41,753
You were in New York on
that day, what was it like?
1145
01:11:41,864 --> 01:11:47,234
Oh, I don't know,
it was just crazy.
1146
01:11:47,336 --> 01:11:51,830
These are crazy times, makes
things like, I don't know,
1147
01:11:51,940 --> 01:11:54,807
security, commitment,
more important.
1148
01:12:01,650 --> 01:12:04,175
I can't believe
that you brought me here.
1149
01:12:04,286 --> 01:12:07,414
My drug problem began
on this very spot.
1150
01:12:07,523 --> 01:12:10,287
Well, no, actually it
began at Danceateria,
1151
01:12:10,392 --> 01:12:11,984
this club in the 80's.
1152
01:12:12,094 --> 01:12:15,689
This go-go boy coke head with
big old like Dee Snyder hair.
1153
01:12:15,798 --> 01:12:19,256
He was part of some dance
troop, what was it called?
1154
01:12:19,368 --> 01:12:21,165
Oh, the Dazzle Dancers.
1155
01:12:21,270 --> 01:12:23,761
Well he fed me my first hit
of blow and we went back to
1156
01:12:23,872 --> 01:12:29,435
my place and he shit right in
front of me, all over my carpet.
1157
01:12:29,545 --> 01:12:32,105
Oh, my place looked like
something out of
1158
01:12:32,214 --> 01:12:34,239
Willy Wonka after he left.
1159
01:12:36,251 --> 01:12:37,946
Oh, and he was singing
some song from the...
1160
01:12:38,053 --> 01:12:39,918
what was it from?
1161
01:12:40,022 --> 01:12:43,014
Like the Sound of Music.
1162
01:12:45,828 --> 01:12:48,126
Oh my God, how could
I have forgotten that?
1163
01:12:52,835 --> 01:12:55,360
Oh my God.
1164
01:12:55,471 --> 01:12:58,702
Oh my Jesus, oh my God.
1165
01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:00,468
Honey.
1166
01:13:00,576 --> 01:13:03,238
Oh my God.
1167
01:13:03,345 --> 01:13:07,714
I have to get out of here,
all I can see is disaster.
1168
01:13:07,816 --> 01:13:09,078
No, disaster!
1169
01:13:10,252 --> 01:13:11,685
I need time to think Adam!
1170
01:13:11,787 --> 01:13:13,277
Time to think!
1171
01:13:13,389 --> 01:13:14,583
Think!
1172
01:13:20,195 --> 01:13:21,526
Where are you going?
1173
01:13:23,966 --> 01:13:26,093
So he just ran away
yelling "disaster"?
1174
01:13:26,201 --> 01:13:26,997
Yeah.
1175
01:13:27,102 --> 01:13:28,660
We were talking about
the World Trade Center...
1176
01:13:28,771 --> 01:13:30,739
and what happened
and he just freaked out.
1177
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:35,305
Well, he is a doctor
in New York City.
1178
01:13:35,411 --> 01:13:37,845
He was in Province Town on 9/11.
1179
01:13:40,816 --> 01:13:42,477
Well, he'll call you
when he's ready.
1180
01:13:42,584 --> 01:13:44,245
Everybody gets the
jitters before.
1181
01:13:47,322 --> 01:13:49,290
Before what?
1182
01:13:49,391 --> 01:13:50,983
The next big terrorist attack.
1183
01:14:25,060 --> 01:14:25,651
Uh!
1184
01:14:25,761 --> 01:14:26,785
Oh!!
1185
01:14:29,231 --> 01:14:30,357
He just dumped me!
1186
01:14:30,466 --> 01:14:31,160
What!
1187
01:14:31,266 --> 01:14:32,028
In the shower.
1188
01:14:32,134 --> 01:14:33,624
Oh my God!
1189
01:14:33,735 --> 01:14:34,861
There ain't no God!
1190
01:14:34,970 --> 01:14:36,198
Did he say why?
1191
01:14:36,305 --> 01:14:38,034
Just that,
he wasn't ready...
1192
01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:40,938
and he said I didn't
really know who he was!
1193
01:14:41,043 --> 01:14:43,841
Oh my God, why is
this happening?
1194
01:14:43,946 --> 01:14:45,777
It's the Bernstein curse!
1195
01:14:54,423 --> 01:14:57,483
You know, you date...
1196
01:14:57,593 --> 01:15:00,858
You look for the person who has
the least amount of flaws...
1197
01:15:00,963 --> 01:15:02,555
and then you find someone
who you think is about...
1198
01:15:02,664 --> 01:15:04,188
as perfect as you can get.
1199
01:15:04,299 --> 01:15:06,927
Oh, but of course there's
no such thing as perfection.
1200
01:15:07,035 --> 01:15:09,595
Why do people project this
image of themselves...
1201
01:15:09,705 --> 01:15:12,606
that's like completely
opposite from who they are?
1202
01:15:12,708 --> 01:15:14,801
Maybe they're just
afraid they won't be...
1203
01:15:14,910 --> 01:15:17,344
loved for who
they really are.
1204
01:15:18,213 --> 01:15:19,441
But that's crazy.
1205
01:15:20,349 --> 01:15:24,877
I mean you come home one day and
you think you know this person...
1206
01:15:24,987 --> 01:15:26,454
and then all of a sudden
you realize you do not...
1207
01:15:26,555 --> 01:15:28,489
know this person from Adam.
1208
01:15:31,293 --> 01:15:32,487
I need to speak
with Steven Hicks.
1209
01:15:32,594 --> 01:15:33,652
Are you one of his patients?
1210
01:15:33,762 --> 01:15:35,491
Don't make me go
Shirley McClaine on you.
1211
01:15:35,597 --> 01:15:37,963
You better give that guy some
closure or he's going to...
1212
01:15:38,066 --> 01:15:39,727
wind up in here
in a body cast.
1213
01:15:39,835 --> 01:15:41,769
Look, look, I appreciate you
standing up for your friend,
1214
01:15:41,870 --> 01:15:44,065
but I did give Adam
closure, all right?
1215
01:15:44,172 --> 01:15:45,537
In a shower stall.
1216
01:15:45,641 --> 01:15:47,973
All right, okay, I admit it
was perhaps a little abrupt...
1217
01:15:48,076 --> 01:15:49,304
but what in the world...
1218
01:15:49,411 --> 01:15:50,901
One minute you're telling
me you want to marry him,
1219
01:15:51,013 --> 01:15:52,503
all that bullshit
about commitment...
1220
01:15:52,614 --> 01:15:53,911
and you're a total slut.
1221
01:15:54,016 --> 01:15:55,643
Look, you don't understand
the situation, okay?
1222
01:15:55,751 --> 01:15:57,412
There are things about me you
just don't know, all right?
1223
01:15:57,519 --> 01:15:59,009
Like what?
1224
01:15:59,121 --> 01:16:02,579
Like... we just aren't
right for each other.
1225
01:16:02,691 --> 01:16:03,680
We...
1226
01:16:03,792 --> 01:16:05,282
He doesn't really love me.
1227
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,555
We were co-dependent and then...
1228
01:16:07,663 --> 01:16:09,096
There are things
about being co-de,
1229
01:16:09,197 --> 01:16:12,530
it's called depending
on another person.
1230
01:16:12,634 --> 01:16:15,034
You act like you're so grown up
like you're so above it,
1231
01:16:15,137 --> 01:16:19,437
but you're an
asshole and a baby.
1232
01:16:19,541 --> 01:16:22,476
You're an asshole
who's also a baby!
1233
01:16:23,979 --> 01:16:27,779
I'm getting marriage advice
from some gay whore, great.
1234
01:16:32,087 --> 01:16:33,452
All right, let me
get this straight.
1235
01:16:34,556 --> 01:16:36,649
You meet Adam in 1987.
1236
01:16:37,726 --> 01:16:42,493
You turn him into a coke head
and then you poop on him.
1237
01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:44,925
All in the same night?
1238
01:16:45,033 --> 01:16:46,728
It wasn't my fault.
1239
01:16:47,769 --> 01:16:50,203
It was cut with...
1240
01:16:50,305 --> 01:16:53,240
baby laxative.
1241
01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:56,834
I've had some bad dates
but nothing like,
1242
01:16:56,945 --> 01:16:58,674
you know, biohazard.
1243
01:16:58,780 --> 01:17:00,714
How could we have
dated for so long...
1244
01:17:00,816 --> 01:17:03,614
and never recognized
each other?
1245
01:17:03,719 --> 01:17:06,916
Oh, it was the 80s,
it was a long time ago.
1246
01:17:09,691 --> 01:17:13,320
You know you're like
Simon LeBon, in a boat,
1247
01:17:13,428 --> 01:17:17,057
looking through the jungle for
the cat lady and you know...
1248
01:17:17,165 --> 01:17:21,625
he was like the guy with a fiddle
and the suspenders singing;
1249
01:17:21,737 --> 01:17:23,898
"Come On Eileen".
1250
01:17:28,777 --> 01:17:30,267
Or you could just...
1251
01:17:30,379 --> 01:17:32,472
You could tell
him who you were.
1252
01:17:32,581 --> 01:17:35,744
No, no Michael.
No, he can't find out.
1253
01:17:36,818 --> 01:17:40,345
Michael don't you dare say
a word to him, or Rhonda.
1254
01:17:40,455 --> 01:17:42,150
Michael, do you hear me?
1255
01:17:49,665 --> 01:17:52,225
I told you, I don't know,
I just know that he said...
1256
01:17:52,334 --> 01:17:53,358
Adam isn't the one.
1257
01:17:53,468 --> 01:17:54,901
- Michael.
- What?
1258
01:17:55,437 --> 01:17:56,369
Michael.
1259
01:17:58,373 --> 01:18:01,570
Michael,
is that the whole story?
1260
01:18:04,179 --> 01:18:06,773
Well, there's the other thing.
1261
01:18:08,216 --> 01:18:09,080
What?
1262
01:18:10,152 --> 01:18:12,643
What other thing, Michael.
1263
01:18:12,754 --> 01:18:15,120
About Adam and Steve.
1264
01:18:16,591 --> 01:18:19,958
It's kind of gross, I think I
should tell you after dinner.
1265
01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,164
Why?
1266
01:18:23,265 --> 01:18:24,630
What do you know Michael?
1267
01:18:32,974 --> 01:18:35,534
Ahhhhh!
1268
01:18:36,645 --> 01:18:40,877
And uh, then he broke up
with me... in the shower.
1269
01:18:44,619 --> 01:18:46,086
Steve was
the go-go dancer!
1270
01:18:46,188 --> 01:18:47,485
Excuse me, this is
a private meeting.
1271
01:18:47,589 --> 01:18:49,147
Silence, sober one!
1272
01:18:49,257 --> 01:18:50,690
What go-go dancer.
1273
01:18:50,792 --> 01:18:52,259
From Danceateria!
1274
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,487
The Hershey squirtin'
coke head!
1275
01:18:54,596 --> 01:18:57,963
Excuse me, you are
challenging our serenity.
1276
01:18:58,066 --> 01:18:58,998
Shut up!
1277
01:18:59,101 --> 01:19:00,534
Wait, from the 80's?
1278
01:19:01,837 --> 01:19:03,134
Willy Wonka?
1279
01:19:05,640 --> 01:19:06,800
Oh, my God.
1280
01:19:07,242 --> 01:19:08,004
Oh, my God.
1281
01:19:09,711 --> 01:19:12,874
Adam! Steve loves you, he just
can't get past his humiliation...
1282
01:19:12,981 --> 01:19:15,506
over the diarrhea thing
and for turning you into...
1283
01:19:15,617 --> 01:19:17,278
some gay John Belushi.
1284
01:19:17,385 --> 01:19:19,512
That's why he broke up with you!
1285
01:19:19,621 --> 01:19:21,179
But that is crazy.
1286
01:19:21,289 --> 01:19:24,281
God, you're right, he is
totally unaware for a shrink.
1287
01:19:24,392 --> 01:19:26,952
I'm telling you, they're
like preacher's kids.
1288
01:19:27,062 --> 01:19:29,553
Cross talking is not allowed.
1289
01:19:29,664 --> 01:19:30,926
Mary, please!
1290
01:19:31,032 --> 01:19:32,829
He's so confused.
1291
01:19:32,934 --> 01:19:36,335
No, he's just an
asshole and a baby.
1292
01:19:36,438 --> 01:19:38,929
He's a baby who's
also an asshole.
1293
01:19:40,475 --> 01:19:42,443
- Where are you going?
- Ah!
1294
01:19:48,517 --> 01:19:52,385
Adam, if you imagine it,
you can achieve it.
1295
01:19:52,487 --> 01:19:55,320
If you dream it,
you could become it.
1296
01:19:55,423 --> 01:20:01,692
ones are always taken.
1297
01:20:01,797 --> 01:20:06,894
that's not true.
1298
01:20:07,002 --> 01:20:12,907
ones are always taken,
1299
01:20:13,008 --> 01:20:19,106
did I find you?
1300
01:20:38,633 --> 01:20:39,861
1301
01:20:39,968 --> 01:20:43,699
street happy as a pig in mud.
1302
01:20:45,073 --> 01:20:46,404
1303
01:20:46,508 --> 01:20:48,635
chewing her cud.
1304
01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:52,306
to burst your bubble...
1305
01:20:52,414 --> 01:20:54,143
1306
01:20:55,750 --> 01:20:59,208
trouble so watch your step.
1307
01:21:01,122 --> 01:21:05,650
hopping back in the saddle.
1308
01:21:06,428 --> 01:21:10,922
creek without a paddle.
1309
01:21:11,733 --> 01:21:16,363
and all its trappings.
1310
01:21:17,105 --> 01:21:21,201
a mess, shit happens.
1311
01:21:28,016 --> 01:21:32,077
just a bowl of cherries.
1312
01:21:33,021 --> 01:21:34,420
greeting cards...
1313
01:21:34,522 --> 01:21:37,355
1314
01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:42,962
you won't let no one see you,
1315
01:21:43,832 --> 01:21:48,269
love songs about diarrhea.
1316
01:21:49,337 --> 01:21:51,532
tomorrow and foot in yesterday.
1317
01:21:51,640 --> 01:21:54,165
Not bad for a Dazzle Dancer.
1318
01:21:54,276 --> 01:21:55,800
nothing but sorrow...
1319
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:59,347
crapping on today.
1320
01:22:00,015 --> 01:22:04,179
to keep on laughing.
1321
01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:09,386
shut, cause shit happens.
1322
01:22:37,385 --> 01:22:39,717
barefoot stepping in it.
1323
01:22:39,821 --> 01:22:41,152
a master plan,
1324
01:22:41,256 --> 01:22:42,518
just hits the fan.
1325
01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:43,750
you for a loop.
1326
01:22:43,858 --> 01:22:45,052
you in poop.
1327
01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:47,856
Shit happens.
1328
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,123
1329
01:22:49,230 --> 01:22:52,165
are just flapping.
1330
01:22:52,834 --> 01:22:57,828
story, shit happens.
1331
01:22:58,873 --> 01:22:59,805
1332
01:23:00,208 --> 01:23:01,004
1333
01:23:01,476 --> 01:23:02,340
1334
01:23:02,744 --> 01:23:04,006
1335
01:23:04,112 --> 01:23:05,306
1336
01:23:05,413 --> 01:23:06,539
1337
01:23:06,648 --> 01:23:08,946
shit, shit!
1338
01:23:09,651 --> 01:23:12,142
even when you're knee deep in it.
1339
01:23:15,023 --> 01:23:16,149
and scrappin'...
1340
01:23:16,257 --> 01:23:17,622
and splattin'...
1341
01:23:17,726 --> 01:23:19,990
1342
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:25,625
Yeah!
1343
01:23:49,024 --> 01:23:51,720
Adam, Adam, wait up.
1344
01:23:51,826 --> 01:23:53,123
Adam, I'm sorry okay.
1345
01:23:53,228 --> 01:23:54,286
I have nothing to say to you.
1346
01:23:54,396 --> 01:23:57,661
Look, I felt like I created this
cocaine monster and unleashed
1347
01:23:57,766 --> 01:24:00,326
him onto the gay community
to wreak havoc on midgets.
1348
01:24:00,435 --> 01:24:03,563
Adam, look... I gave you
your first bump of coke.
1349
01:24:03,671 --> 01:24:04,330
I...
1350
01:24:05,974 --> 01:24:08,534
I became incontinent
in front of you.
1351
01:24:08,643 --> 01:24:10,110
Became incontinent?
1352
01:24:10,211 --> 01:24:12,008
God, you are
such an old lady.
1353
01:24:12,113 --> 01:24:13,637
You're just embarrassed.
1354
01:24:13,748 --> 01:24:16,046
Yes, all right, yes I am.
1355
01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:19,317
I'd be happy to course through
life having a lover who thought...
1356
01:24:19,421 --> 01:24:21,082
I never went to
the bathroom at all.
1357
01:24:21,189 --> 01:24:22,986
Who thought that some
little dove just came...
1358
01:24:23,091 --> 01:24:25,150
and swept it all away
when I wasn't looking.
1359
01:24:26,461 --> 01:24:26,950
Wait.
1360
01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:28,723
What!
What do you want?
1361
01:24:28,830 --> 01:24:30,798
I don't know, okay?
1362
01:24:30,899 --> 01:24:33,367
I don't want some open
relationship like...
1363
01:24:33,468 --> 01:24:34,435
all the gay couples I know.
1364
01:24:34,536 --> 01:24:38,336
I don't want some, some gay version
of the straight couples I see!
1365
01:24:39,574 --> 01:24:41,633
I don't see
what I want anywhere.
1366
01:24:45,180 --> 01:24:47,045
Then just see me.
1367
01:24:48,650 --> 01:24:52,552
You know we're just us,
we're not gay or straight...
1368
01:24:52,654 --> 01:24:55,145
or Julia or Meg,
we're just two people...
1369
01:24:57,125 --> 01:24:58,615
Adam and Steve.
1370
01:25:01,329 --> 01:25:03,297
Maybe we should just accept
the fact that neither of those...
1371
01:25:03,398 --> 01:25:05,423
people are
relationship material.
1372
01:25:07,335 --> 01:25:10,361
That... they're both too damaged.
1373
01:25:10,472 --> 01:25:13,635
We're in our thirties,
of course we're damaged.
1374
01:25:15,910 --> 01:25:17,309
And you know what?
I am tired.
1375
01:25:17,412 --> 01:25:20,677
I am tired of fighting you
and the whole world just so...
1376
01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:22,807
I could have something
as radical and subversive...
1377
01:25:22,917 --> 01:25:24,680
as a fucking boyfriend.
1378
01:25:25,987 --> 01:25:27,352
Fuck you, Steve!
1379
01:25:28,423 --> 01:25:31,051
I may be damaged goods but
I am goods nonetheless.
1380
01:25:48,743 --> 01:25:50,210
It's not my fault!
1381
01:25:50,311 --> 01:25:53,246
You wouldn't understand, she's
a woman, they have their ways!
1382
01:25:53,348 --> 01:25:55,612
What, she hypnotized you
with her feminine wiles?
1383
01:25:55,717 --> 01:25:59,050
Yes, yes, yes she
did, she did actually!
1384
01:26:04,859 --> 01:26:05,757
What?
1385
01:26:05,860 --> 01:26:07,293
What was I supposed
to do, Michael?
1386
01:26:08,696 --> 01:26:11,392
Every time he went to an
AA meeting, I'd feel guilty.
1387
01:26:11,499 --> 01:26:14,832
Every time I used the
bathroom he'd stare at me...
1388
01:26:14,936 --> 01:26:16,494
with a knowing look on his face.
1389
01:26:16,604 --> 01:26:17,832
Get over yourself!
1390
01:26:17,939 --> 01:26:19,600
The guy saw you take a dump.
1391
01:26:19,707 --> 01:26:22,938
You'd eventually start changing
each other's diapers anyway.
1392
01:26:23,044 --> 01:26:26,536
No, no, this is not how
it's supposed to be.
1393
01:26:26,648 --> 01:26:29,310
You've got to stop with
that preconceived bullshit.
1394
01:26:29,417 --> 01:26:31,612
You guys love each
other, don't you?
1395
01:26:31,719 --> 01:26:33,710
I don't even know what
that means anymore.
1396
01:26:56,844 --> 01:26:57,868
Fags!
1397
01:27:01,549 --> 01:27:04,882
God made Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Steve!
1398
01:27:09,757 --> 01:27:11,748
Where, are you go...
1399
01:27:16,464 --> 01:27:17,453
There you go, guys.
1400
01:27:21,269 --> 01:27:23,737
I've got to go get limes
honey, I'll be right back.
1401
01:27:26,374 --> 01:27:29,400
unless you give it a try.
1402
01:27:29,510 --> 01:27:32,673
the thunder clapping.
1403
01:27:32,780 --> 01:27:36,238
and make things happen.
1404
01:27:36,351 --> 01:27:39,081
gift you can use.
1405
01:27:39,187 --> 01:27:42,088
you got to lose?
1406
01:27:42,190 --> 01:27:47,059
walking in each other's shoes.
1407
01:27:47,161 --> 01:27:53,862
Two; smile.
1408
01:27:53,968 --> 01:28:00,032
1409
01:28:00,141 --> 01:28:02,075
1410
01:28:09,284 --> 01:28:09,909
Hi.
1411
01:28:10,918 --> 01:28:11,543
Hi.
1412
01:28:13,554 --> 01:28:15,419
This is Charlie, he uh...
1413
01:28:15,523 --> 01:28:17,491
he lives across
the street from me.
1414
01:28:17,592 --> 01:28:18,524
Hi.
1415
01:28:19,427 --> 01:28:20,121
Hi.
1416
01:28:21,329 --> 01:28:22,261
Go ahead.
1417
01:28:22,363 --> 01:28:23,227
Ask him.
1418
01:28:23,765 --> 01:28:25,255
Ask him.
1419
01:28:25,366 --> 01:28:26,162
What's your name?
1420
01:28:27,869 --> 01:28:29,029
Adam.
1421
01:28:30,071 --> 01:28:31,299
What's mine?
1422
01:28:31,406 --> 01:28:32,100
Steve.
1423
01:28:32,206 --> 01:28:34,299
That's right Steve,
Adam and Steve.
1424
01:28:34,409 --> 01:28:36,741
So see you were wrong.
1425
01:28:36,844 --> 01:28:40,974
God did make Adam and
Steve because here we are.
1426
01:28:41,082 --> 01:28:43,209
Tell him, huh, tell him.
1427
01:28:43,318 --> 01:28:45,013
Steve is sorry for the
way he treated you,
1428
01:28:45,119 --> 01:28:46,711
he's sorry about everything.
1429
01:28:47,889 --> 01:28:49,481
Well, I accept his apology.
1430
01:28:51,759 --> 01:28:52,418
And...
1431
01:28:54,162 --> 01:28:55,186
I'm sorry
I yelled at you,
1432
01:28:55,296 --> 01:28:57,196
called you cornholers
in front of his parents.
1433
01:28:59,300 --> 01:29:00,733
Okay.
1434
01:29:00,835 --> 01:29:03,360
What else, what else!
1435
01:29:03,471 --> 01:29:05,496
He wants to ask you
for your hand...
1436
01:29:05,606 --> 01:29:07,039
in one of them
gay marriages.
1437
01:29:10,445 --> 01:29:13,380
A man marrying a man,
that's kind of gross.
1438
01:29:13,481 --> 01:29:14,812
I know.
1439
01:29:18,286 --> 01:29:20,379
Well you tell him that
personally I don't really...
1440
01:29:20,488 --> 01:29:23,616
believe in marriage
and I don't really know...
1441
01:29:23,725 --> 01:29:25,488
if I really believe
in him anymore.
1442
01:29:28,963 --> 01:29:30,828
Whoa, that's harsh!
1443
01:29:38,906 --> 01:29:41,568
Adam, please.
1444
01:29:44,412 --> 01:29:46,437
I can't.
1445
01:29:46,547 --> 01:29:48,412
Adam.
1446
01:29:48,516 --> 01:29:53,647
I choose you, I choose you.
1447
01:29:56,290 --> 01:29:57,985
I don't know why you would.
1448
01:30:08,870 --> 01:30:11,498
a wicked childhood.
1449
01:30:13,875 --> 01:30:18,403
had a miserable youth.
1450
01:30:21,048 --> 01:30:27,283
miserable past,
1451
01:30:27,388 --> 01:30:34,954
a moment of truth.
1452
01:30:36,831 --> 01:30:43,794
standing there, loving me.
1453
01:30:45,640 --> 01:30:49,804
not you should.
1454
01:30:53,114 --> 01:30:59,519
or childhood.
1455
01:31:01,689 --> 01:31:08,925
done something good.
1456
01:31:11,165 --> 01:31:19,630
nothing ever could.
1457
01:31:20,441 --> 01:31:29,748
my youth or childhood,
1458
01:31:29,851 --> 01:31:42,127
done something good.
1459
01:32:14,395 --> 01:32:16,659
Beloved family and
friends at this time...
1460
01:32:16,764 --> 01:32:19,631
in the wedding
we do the ring ceremony.
1461
01:32:19,734 --> 01:32:23,830
Rhonda if you would give
me Adam's ring for Steve.
1462
01:32:23,938 --> 01:32:25,064
Thank you.
1463
01:32:25,172 --> 01:32:28,903
Michael if you would give
me Steve's ring for Adam.
1464
01:32:29,010 --> 01:32:31,069
Thank you.
1465
01:32:31,178 --> 01:32:32,543
Hold hands.
1466
01:32:34,482 --> 01:32:37,315
Father Mother God we ask
just now for your blessing...
1467
01:32:37,418 --> 01:32:39,352
on these beautiful
wedding rings...
1468
01:32:39,453 --> 01:32:42,388
that they may symbolize
for Adam and Steve...
1469
01:32:42,490 --> 01:32:45,857
in their union health and
happiness, strength and courage,
1470
01:32:45,960 --> 01:32:48,520
joy and peace, abundance
and prosperity,
1471
01:32:48,629 --> 01:32:51,530
and unconditional
loving for each other.
1472
01:32:51,632 --> 01:32:52,860
So be it.
1473
01:32:52,967 --> 01:32:56,459
Adam if you would place this
ring on Steven's hand...
1474
01:32:56,571 --> 01:32:58,436
and repeat after me.
1475
01:32:58,539 --> 01:33:01,201
Steve, with this
ring I thee wed.
1476
01:33:04,345 --> 01:33:07,246
Steve, with this
ring I thee wed.
1477
01:33:07,348 --> 01:33:11,114
Steve, if you would place
this ring on Adam's hand...
1478
01:33:11,218 --> 01:33:13,118
and repeat after me.
1479
01:33:13,220 --> 01:33:15,916
Adam, with this ring I thee wed.
1480
01:33:16,390 --> 01:33:19,723
Adam, with this ring I thee wed.
1481
01:33:19,827 --> 01:33:25,732
Do you Adam Bernstein
take Steve Hicks...
1482
01:33:25,833 --> 01:33:28,666
to be your beloved husband?
1483
01:33:29,971 --> 01:33:31,063
I do.
1484
01:33:32,673 --> 01:33:35,801
Steve Hicks, do you
take Adam Bernstein...
1485
01:33:35,910 --> 01:33:38,071
to be your beloved husband?
1486
01:33:38,179 --> 01:33:39,976
You bet your ass I do.
1487
01:33:40,081 --> 01:33:44,541
And now by the power vested
in me by the state of New York,
1488
01:33:44,652 --> 01:33:48,782
I now pronounce you
husband and husband.
1489
01:33:48,889 --> 01:33:50,618
You may kiss your beloved.
1490
01:33:55,329 --> 01:33:59,390
And now Adam in the
tradition of your family,
1491
01:33:59,500 --> 01:34:00,762
we'll break the glass.
1492
01:34:05,673 --> 01:34:06,970
Mazoltov!
1493
01:34:42,443 --> 01:34:45,037
1494
01:34:48,282 --> 01:34:50,876
1495
01:34:54,255 --> 01:34:57,122
1496
01:34:59,727 --> 01:35:02,491
1497
01:35:06,133 --> 01:35:09,068
1498
01:35:11,972 --> 01:35:15,135
1499
01:35:18,079 --> 01:35:20,570
1500
01:35:23,851 --> 01:35:27,184
1501
01:35:29,824 --> 01:35:32,418
1502
01:35:35,596 --> 01:35:38,497
1503
01:35:41,569 --> 01:35:44,231
1504
01:35:47,208 --> 01:35:50,541
1505
01:36:05,459 --> 01:36:06,357
1506
01:36:06,460 --> 01:36:10,328
street happy as a pig in mud.
1507
01:36:11,799 --> 01:36:13,096
1508
01:36:13,200 --> 01:36:15,259
chewing her cud.
1509
01:36:17,071 --> 01:36:18,902
to burst your bubble...
1510
01:36:19,006 --> 01:36:20,667
1511
01:36:22,276 --> 01:36:25,803
trouble so watch your step.
1512
01:36:27,681 --> 01:36:31,777
hopping back in the saddle.
1513
01:36:33,020 --> 01:36:37,354
creek without a paddle.
1514
01:36:38,526 --> 01:36:42,724
and all its trappings.
1515
01:36:43,764 --> 01:36:47,757
a mess, shit happens.
1516
01:36:54,475 --> 01:36:58,571
just a bowl of cherries.
1517
01:36:59,480 --> 01:37:01,380
greeting cards...
1518
01:37:01,482 --> 01:37:03,712
1519
01:37:05,152 --> 01:37:09,282
you won't let no one see you,
1520
01:37:10,491 --> 01:37:14,723
love songs about diarrhea.
1521
01:37:15,830 --> 01:37:20,164
tomorrow and foot in yesterday.
1522
01:37:21,068 --> 01:37:22,262
nothing but sorrow...
1523
01:37:22,369 --> 01:37:25,532
crapping on today.
1524
01:37:26,307 --> 01:37:30,471
to keep on laughing.
1525
01:37:31,812 --> 01:37:35,805
shut, cause shit happens.
1526
01:38:03,711 --> 01:38:06,179
barefoot stepping in it.
1527
01:38:06,280 --> 01:38:07,577
a master plan,
1528
01:38:07,681 --> 01:38:08,943
just hits the fan.
1529
01:38:09,049 --> 01:38:10,209
you for a loop.
1530
01:38:10,317 --> 01:38:11,648
you in poop.
1531
01:38:11,752 --> 01:38:14,186
Shit happens.
1532
01:38:14,288 --> 01:38:15,619
1533
01:38:15,723 --> 01:38:18,351
are just flapping.
1534
01:38:19,693 --> 01:38:23,959
story, shit happens.
1535
01:38:25,399 --> 01:38:25,922
1536
01:38:26,467 --> 01:38:27,434
1537
01:38:28,135 --> 01:38:28,794
1538
01:38:29,336 --> 01:38:30,598
1539
01:38:30,704 --> 01:38:31,796
1540
01:38:31,906 --> 01:38:33,373
1541
01:38:33,474 --> 01:38:35,704
shit, shit!
1542
01:38:36,176 --> 01:38:38,474
even when you're knee deep in it.
1543
01:38:41,615 --> 01:38:42,673
and scrappin'...
1544
01:38:42,783 --> 01:38:44,080
and splattin'.
1545
01:38:44,184 --> 01:38:46,709
1546
01:38:51,058 --> 01:38:52,184